Verse 1
Falling out of time,
(shedding.)
Destroying my whole world,
(forgetting.)
Wishing we could trade,
(skins.)
I've been kicked out of this game,
(but you're still in.)
Chorus
You're perfect(ly wrong),
and you never miss your mark (you miss the point),
you're always getting me wrong.
I'd wait for you (but how damn long),
I took enough time to write this song.
Verse 2
Discovering my,
(my twisted views on all the world.)
Deciding to fly,
(you steal the credit to emerge.)
Sickening beauty,
(you'll strike your matches on my bedframe)
I'm ready to sing,
(it's not a serenade to you.)
Chorus
Verse 3
Feeling with raw nerves,
(electric.)
Learning the right words,
(then I forget them.)
I wish I could go back,
(far back in time.)
To when we weren't the rest,
(when you were mine.)
Chorus
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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I liked how you used parentheses. They were a nice touch, though the periods inside them were unnecessary. Also, in the beginning, I'm not sure how the words in parentheses relate to the lines not in parentheses. The relation is pretty clear in the rest of the song, but how does "shedding" relate to "falling out of time", and "forgetting" to "destroying my own world"? You also jump around a bit with all the imagery, and there's no particularly unique imagery used; it's all pretty common phrases. I think, if you expanded this a bit more and added your own unique perspective, these lyrics would be much stronger.
I like how original these lyrics are.
The phrases in the parenthesis add to the atmosphere; I wonder how this would sound if it was made into a song!
This is my favorite part