Trapped

I agree with Esther and Snoink, it could use a little spicing up. It's nothing special, nothing new. But it was...er...pleasant. It was a fresh read. I think it could use work.





~Sarah

Wow I like you you kept it very simple, it had a powerful affect. Your poem is amazing, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thank you all very much and I will continue wrighting and hopefully improve.

Yes, really, welcome to yws! This has a great flow to it, which I really look for in poetry. I think though that you should put a new twist on it. Keep on writing!

Yay! Welcome to YWS!

Hmm... I agree with Esther! You'll want to spice this one up. One thing I would love to see, for example, is a description of what this world that you live in is like and how exactly you are trapped. It's a little thing, yes, but I think it would really help the depth of this piece and make it that much more interesting!

And I also think you should do more poetry.

Welcome to YWS! I'm Esther, pleased to meet you! Have you introduced yourself on the welcome board yet? It's under the community tab. Everyone is nice here and will be sure to give you a welcome.

REVIEW:

First off, don't explain your poem or give excuses about its quality. If you say that you wrote this when you were bored and aren't sure of it, readers will take your word for it and skip it over. Give this a proper title too so it looks more presentable.

I don't know much about poetry either! I like this though. I think the only issue with this is that you don't present something new with this piece. It's kind of something that one has read before, so I suggest to spice it up a bit. How, I have no clue. Keep it up though! I want to read more of your work, so private message me (PM) when you do. You can just click the PM button under my avatar.

Keep it up,

Esther