HEY! I decided my first full work here should be my midnight writings. its a poem kinda? im not completely certain what it would be catorgized as. enjoy!
sometimes love is gentle and soft and quiet like a foggy morning
sometimes love is fast and burning and loud like a summers day
sometimes love is lonely and cold and silent like a rainy night
sometimes love is warm and perfect and sweet like a morning coffee
sometimes love is all of these things and none of them at once
sometimes love is like the changing of the seasons, growing with you
sometimes love isn't exactly what you need
maybe it's the wrong type of love
maybe it's the feeling of spending a day at the mall with your friends
maybe it's the feeling of a summer day at the pool with half the school
maybe it's the feeling of a childhood snow day with hot chocolate after
maybe it's a mother's hug
or a father's praise
or a sister's talks
or a brother's jokes
who knows
it's different for you
for me
maybe he doesn't see it the same way
maybe he's all about sex and not romance
but i'm all about romance
and my standards are high because of rom coms
the ones my mom showed me
ones where the guy did all sorts of crazy things
just for her
and i want that
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Hey, calix123! It's MrytleJinn here for a review. I may be slightly biased seeing as we share the same poetry style.
But into the review!
You start each line out the same but they both say opposites. I really like that. You're showcasing the different sides of love and the similes are perfect. I have no criticism here.
Even more similes! The repetition for the beginning of each line is amazing. But I'm also biased. So...
The similes really help create this picture and you know exactly what the writer is trying to convey.
Too true.
This line feels a little out of place. It doesn't build off of anything and nothing builds off of it.
This where the repetition changes. This is the perfect spot to switch. It breaks up the repetition right when it was getting stale.
For me this means two things. Something amazing, or something bad. I personally don't like the mall so I might be biased again... But it means two separate things for me.
I really like how you're bringing back these similes. It's a great reconnect.
This may be one of the best parts. You've taken what each family member specializes in and turn it into that amazing feeling. Although the line, "a father's praise"
Our fathers praise is something we strive for. We push ourselves to get.
We push ourselves to get that amazing feeling of love. And sometimes we hurt ourselves and others in the process.
This makes the reader stop and think for a second. Is it different for me? What does it feel like for me? Although my one critique is right between the 2nd and third lines. "for you/for me" that's a little jerky and rough. I'd make it "than for me"
Now we turn to the current person in the narrators life. The reason they're thinking about this in the first place.
This reminds me of a song lyric. I grew up on Disney, but this don't feel like Disney We see things on TV that create this idea of what we think something's like. Romance especially.
The final line. This wraps it all up so nicely.
Overall, I loved this. It's an amazing exploration of love and expectations.
Keep living and writing,
MrytleJinn
Hey there, calix123! Welcome to YWS, hope you're enjoying your time here. I'm Alex, and will be picking up this lovely debut poem of yours for reviewing today. I was browsing through the Green Room to see if it had any poems, when I came across this. I needed a new member's work for The Checklist Challenge, so things fit perfectly. Alright enough chit-chat, let's get into the review now!
It's been a while since I saw someone use anaphora in poetry! But I felt like the poetic content might've been a little too focused on keeping that hook, than progressing naturally. In a way, it restricted you, when it should've flowed effortlessly. It comes with practice though, so nothing I'd worry about too much, just something to work on in the future projects. You did manage to invoke captivating imagery with those line though, so bravo for that! I also loved how you contradicted the expectation in the last line by using 'isn't' in the last line, that shows some real promise.
The way these lines compliment each other- chef's kiss!
Anaphora is certainly your style! Or it could be a deliberate choice for just this poem, for some reason I can't see. Either way, I like the innovative concept. I'm also impressed how you move away (from what I assumed priorly to be) romantic metaphors, to platonic relations and care shared in them. It's a little unexpected, but works beautifully. Plus, contradicting on your last line is definitely another master trick I should start associating with you. They really prepare the reader and bridge the gap between the next stainza or sorts (I do think you could break it to make stanzas to make the overall reading experience better too) by introducing a slight change in itself.
Family do be the greatest gift wfor some. Love, love. love <3
You could pair these to just two lines for the sake of structure though.
Again, love the way these two connect!
Now that's a turn of narrative! What you're saying here is truly simple and relatable but still lovely. But I feel like it's a different story altogether.
Again, you could merge these lines without much dip in impact.
Overall, this was an incredibly pleasure read. But it could've used a little more coherency in the concept. Still, very good for your first poem on here. Keep writing, I'll be looking forward to reviewing more works from you. I also happen to be a junior moderator for the site, so feel free to poke me if you need any help! That's all for now, until next time~
Love, Alex