Young Writers Society

I'm doing the first chapter in a different post to make it clearer

califorrniasummer wrote:Chapter One . James

It was a very early morning when James Bernandez went out of his apartment. As he opened the door, a girl, sitting on the floor, who was leaning against the door #FF4000 "> the words floor and door rhyme and therefore this creates a strange effect when read. I would say she was sitting on the ground. almost fell to his feet. He stepped back, sort of #FF0000 ">mildly disgusted at the pretty girl who stood in front him. She had a long, black hair, straight and soft. Her curvy body shook, as tears fell from her ebony eyes.
"J-James... "
"What are you doing here?" he said as he shoved away her hands that tried to touch his arm.
"You've been avoiding me since that night, James. What's wrong?" she cried, trying to embrace #FF0000 ">him.
"Look," he grunted as he pushed her away from him, "forget everything between us. I am breaking up with you-"
"What?" she froze, staring at him. "After you took my virginity, you're breaking up?"
"Do I have to say it again, Janice?" James smirked.
She leaned forward to slap him, but his hand grabbed her wrist. He pushed her, and slammed the door close#FF0000 ">d #BF0040 ">You need to explain that he goes back inside. . James could hear her fists banging the door wildly, while she cried, cursed him, and finallybegged him to be her lover again. He shook his head, and carried his bag on his left shoulder. He opened the fire exit door, and escaped, going down the ladder. James leaped down, and quickly rode #FF0000 ">grabbed a taxi. As he arrived at a public high school, James enrolled himself #BF0040 ">A bit more description? . He was going to be in his senior year in high school, and he wasn't really excited about it. After that, he marched #BF0040 ">If he walked back why did he need a taxi to get there in the first place? back to his apartment. Just as what he expected, Janice had already left. He went inside, threw his bag on the floor, and sat lazily on the sofa. His eyes batted slowly, a sign that he was feeling sleepy already.

His past served as James' dream when his eyes closed. He used to be a black-haired little boy with a pair of wild-looking, brown eyes. He had a family- a wife-material mother, and a father who came from a prominent family. No one knew if he ever had siblings #FF0000 ">why not? . When he turned twelve-years-old, James' parents could not bear to be together. They always quarreled, and came to the decision of a marriage annulment #FF0000 ">Surely this would be a divorce? .
It made him miserable, and he decided to leave his aunt's house, after weeks of adopting him #FF4000 ">Now would be good time to state why he lived at his aunt's house in the first place.. He had been in different places, lived with different people, and got into a lot of trouble. Until he grew up, carrying every memory of it. He had been in fraternities, and scored with a lot of women, breaking their hearts in the end. Why James would do that was because he was having fun. Moreover, he knew himself better. He was now different from the twelve-year-old child that he used to be. He had no mercy, ill-mannered, and had been heartless.
Who he valued most was himself, thinking how to please himself. His friends were the #FF0000 ">most/leastimportant people that he had. Third, his family and relatives, wherein he tried to bear their existence in his life.
AboutWomen, theywere the last thing that he had #FF0000 ">on his mind. He didn't believe in true love, nor its existence. If there was true love, his parents would not be separated. Marrying was not one of his future plans. He didn't want to repeat his family's history- his parents' separation. James didn't want to have a son who could get hurt when he separated from his wife, just like what he experienced. Experience was his best teacher. He learned to be smart in different ways, and knew life in any angle at a very young age. Money was not his problem at all, his father could provide it for him, but he learned the value of hard-work, and earning money on your own.

James had bittersweet memories- he enjoyed his friends and their company, and grieved about his painful past in the middle of the night. Who knew that he was not as strong as everybody thought he was?

Here to review!!
Interesting idea to put them in spoilers, it did make it neater though.

califorrniasummer wrote:Prologue

It was warm and tender. It slowly increased in intensity, harshness, and burned my lips. The sensation reached my heart, which seemed to stop beating for minutes. It was sweet, and I hate to admit that it gave me happiness #BF0040 ">Why?. My tears of joy rolled down to my right cheek gently.

My first kiss. It was my very erotic first kiss. The first that I got from a man who was not related to me. #0000FF ">The way I read this mde it slightly ... creepy to say the least. i would suggest rearranging the words.It was what they #BF0040 ">who are they? preferred to call it- love's first kiss.

As our lips departed, I felt his warm breath hitting #BF0040 ">I'd find a different wordmy face as he panted silently. I could not look into his eyes because of my confusion. Should I smile, or cry? Smile because I loved him, or cry because I shouldn't love him. His hand landed on my waist, pushing me close to wrap his arms around me.

"Don't deny it, Rebella. I love you, and you feel the same," he panted #800080 ">You've used this word recently. Try substituting it for another one. Her #FF0000 ">My head rested on his left chest, close to his shoulder, and she #FF0000 ">I could feel his chest rise and fall. She#FF0000 ">I had to push him away gently, avoid to look#FF0000 ">ing at his soulful eyes, and said, "But we can't be together. We're not meant to be... This is forbidden love. This is wrong... "