My end is near
Down under the atmosphere,
And while the air I breathe is not my own,
the darkness has grown,
and I'm gone, gone, gone...
And under the atmosphere,
When I can feel it coming near,
It reminds me that these screams are not mine,
and I admit, I'm not doing fine.
And when I wake up at three a.m.
With crying eyes, I begin to realize,
that I am my only friend.
And that I'm gone, gone, gone...
And you should see me when I'm alone in my room
When nobody can see what I do
And I feel myself getting closer to my doom
When I do magic and turn this silver to red
and I wonder why I'm not dead.
And under the atmosphere,
When I can feel it coming near,
It reminds me that these dreams are not mine,
and I admit, I'm not doing fine.
And I'm gone, gone, gone...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey, this is DanielR with a short review.
First off, you do not look 15 in your picture, just had to say that.
Now, about the lyrics, they seem very dark, yet, they sound pretty good! My favorite part was when you said
"And when I wake up at three a.m.
With crying eyes, I begin to realize,
that I am my only friend."
Mainly because I know what it feels like to feel that way. But don't worry I'm way better now.
The only thing that got me twisted up was when you said
"When I do magic and turn this silver to red."
I am still pondering about what it could mean.
Well, other than that I really like your lyrics. Keep writing your doing great!
-DanielR
Gage your depressing but good song
Hey! Imagination here for a review!
Overall, this is great. The emotions really are what gives this song life. There are just two things/lines that I think could use a little adjusting!
"When I do magic and turn this silver to red" I don't really get what this means.
The other thing is that I don't really get when you say that things are happening are not yours. Can you allude to who's they are? I'm being really hypercritical here, because I need points, but I love your songwriting. Keep up the good work!
Hello, Caliconepeta!
This is a very, VERY well-written song. I appreciate the imagery in it. It gives a great sense of the feeling you're trying to portray. Very little I can criticize except maybe personal word choices (and even then, they're personal and both work equally well.) I'd also use stanzas for easier reading, because there were times I had a bit of difficulty keeping up due to that. But, in terms of writing itself, it's VERY well done.