To The Core- Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Alright...this was a pretty solid prologue, about as vague as it needs to be with just enough detail, and for the most part I would say this ticks most of the boxes that you expect from a prologue, and well...if I read this at the start, I certainly would continue on to see what all this is about.

Anyway let's get right to it,

He stumbled in the snow, it came over the tops of his boots now. Fatigue was getting the better of him. He attempted to pull his black cloak around him but a harsh wind tore it from his frigid fingers. This was it. This was how they were going to catch him. All the effort, all the running, the hiding, had been for nothing, all so he could fail now.

No. He had not escaped deaths frosty touch this many times only to fail now at the hands of nature. He refused to let this be the end. Too many lives had been sacrificed.

He looked up at the plain of snow and ice that stretched indefinitely before him, the mountains that lay behind him, and took a deep breath. In the back of his mind he saw the people who had gotten him this far, the people who had died, and the people who needed him to succeed. He pictured his wife, his children. He remembered his queen’s final words to him before he departed. He remembered his friend’s final words to him before his eyes closed one final time. No. None of that could have been for nothing.

Steely determination filled him once more. He had taken this mission to protect, his family, his people, his home. They all replied upon him now. Even his own sacrifices would only be in vain if he couldn’t rise to his feet once more.

Sending a quick prayer to whatever gods may be listening he slowly rose once more. A small bloom of hope formed in his chest as he looked ahead to what he could not see. He took one step forward, leaving his home and all that he knew behind. It was the best he could do. He could save them all, if he could get to his destination and ensure that the object he carried was put to the correct use.

The weight of the small object in his pack felt heavier than anything he had ever carried before, yet it was his burden to bear. He would get it to its destination before it was too late.

With each step forward he left something behind. No longer did anything other than his goals fill his mind. Determination pushed him forward, and nothing held him back.

Hey burninhell,

Loving this work!!! So much mystery and things to intrigue! I have so many questions about this story already, though I know they'll be answered soon. I particularly loved the line,

'Even his own sacrifices would be in vain if he couldn't rise to his feet once more.'

Slight typo in the word 'replied' - I'm assuming it's meant to be 'relied?' But seriously awesome work write fast so I can read more!

priceofwords

Hi, my name is jessiebear and I am here to give you a great long review. Oh and if I say anything that is rood in this review please tell me because I don’t mean to be rood at all.


Okay I am now going to start the review.
So it will be long okay let’s start.

He stumbled in the snow, it came over the tops of his boots now. Fatigue was getting the better of him. He attempted to pull his black cloak around him but a harsh wind tore it from his frigid fingers. This was it. This was how they were going to catch him. All the effort, all the running, the hiding, had been for nothing, all so he could fail now.

No. He had not escaped deaths frosty touch this many times only to fail now at the hands of nature. He refused to let this be the end. Too many lives had been sacrificed.

He looked up at the plain of snow and ice that stretched indefinitely before him, the mountains that lay behind him, and took a deep breath. In the back of his mind he saw the people who had gotten him this far, the people who had died, and the people who needed him to succeed. He pictured his wife, his children. He remembered his queen’s final words to him before he departed. He remembered his friend’s final words to him before his eyes closed one final time. No. None of that could have been for nothing.

Steely determination filled him once more. He had taken this mission to protect, his family, his people, his home. They all replied upon him now. Even his own sacrifices would only be in vain if he couldn’t rise to his feet once more.

Sending a quick prayer to whatever gods may be listening he slowly rose once more. A small bloom of hope formed in his chest as he looked ahead to what he could not see. He took one step forward, leaving his home and all that he knew behind. It was the best he could do. He could save them all, if he could get to his destination and ensure that the object he carried was put to the correct use.

The weight of the small object in his pack felt heavier than anything he had ever carried before, yet it was his burden to bear. He would get it to its destination before it was too late.

With each step forward he left something behind. No longer did anything other than his goals fill his mind. Determination pushed him forward, and nothing held him back.

I liked this a lot. You should definitely keep this going! The plot looks good and your descriptions of the landscape made me feel like I was in cold weather, great job! And you captured his though process very well, I love your character's determination. For some reason, you remind me of how I write . There are a few nitpicks that I will point out. In this piece, you used the word 'final' three times. I think it would be best if you used a synonym for that word, or reword it somehow to make it flow better. 'Final' once is a great use of the word, but three times is a bit much.

'Sending a quick prayer to whatever gods may be listening he slowly rose once more."
This line is a good line, it just misses a comma after 'listening'.

'He had not escaped deaths frosty touch this many times only to fail now at the hands of nature.'
Again, another great line. I liked how you used the climate to describe death. Good use of words. But, 'death' is supposed to have an apostrophe before the 's'. A minor detail.
I also like the way that you used hope as a bloom. Something fresh and original. That was a genius idea. I commend you on your creativity. I see on your avatar that you may be a "Game of Thrones" fan. I do not know much about the series, but I have heard it is spectacular. This work reminds me of the man who is played by Kit Harrington. Forgive me, but I do not recall his name. If you were trying to channel your inner GoT, you succeeded greatly. I loved this piece, you really need to finish this. And please, tell me when you do. I would love to read!

This is the first review I will make so please I hope this'll be appreciated. Sorry if you won't find my review as accurate as you would want.
The story is intriguing, showing that lots of deaths would be in vain if he fails. It makes me curious to know if he would succeed or not.
Knowing that there is a queen, meaning this story is possibly set in the medieval era. It makes me interested to see how this story will unfold differently. As you said, you find it hard to write descriptions. I kind of have the same problem so I don't know what advice to give.
About grammar, I didn't notice much except for the first sentence, which I find crucial.
"He stumbled in the snow, it came over the tops of his boots now."
It sounds like a run on sentence. If it could be separated into two sentences, it would sound clearer.
That'd be all. Thanks for reading. Hopefully I helped!