The Elite - Chapter 2 - Part 2

by burninhell

Published July 30, 2016

E - Everyone

In The Elite

They drove for what seemed like almost a day, but what was in reality only a few short hours. Aside from Rick and Markus making the occasional jokey comment everyone was silent. Silence was for them louder and more alarming than any other sound. That was why the radio had become a necessity. A sound to fill the otherwise empty void where noise should be.

If this was a mission that didn’t involve Reapers, Lexi and Allie would have been sat in the car texting. That way they could talk through the silence. But, alas this mission was more serious.

Reapers were trained. They were ruthless. They were dangerous, even to the five of them. Back when they had first encountered the Reapers half of their team had been killed. There had once been eleven Elite on the base, now there were five. There had once been twenty Elite bases across the country, there were now two. While their numbers seemed to dwindle, the numbers of the Reapers seemed to only multiply.

For three years they had been to more funerals than celebrations. It seemed that almost every time they encountered a Reaper, it was not on their terms. Usually it was a ploy, a well-made trap. Something almost impossible to escape alive, few ever did. That was why, they found themselves left with little choice but to eliminate the Reapers one by one. Though there were possibly thirty men waiting for them when they reached their destination, it would take only one Reaper for the whole mission to go downhill. One wrong step to wind up dead.

Lexi huffed out a breath. She was just debating taking a nap as the car rolled to a stop. Around them was nothing but trees. Oliver had taken the car off the road and had pulled up out of sight in a lightly wooded area. The car was hidden from the road, but they could escape at speed if needs be.

They each jumped out of the car with practiced efficiency, grabbing their rucksacks and starting out to the east. They walked at a fast pace, over rocks and twigs. Their steps were light, never making a sound. They moved as a unit, like one person.

Around them trees towered, their roots jutted out of the ground. The occasional green leaf fluttered off their branches, hitting the ground with little more than a whisper. Birds twittered at each other, oblivious to the people below. Above them the sun shone in the sky and made the shadows of the trees stretch across the ground. Somewhere in the distance a river could be heard but only if you were listening very closely, which they all were.

After precisely ten minutes Oliver held up a hand. They all nodded and looked around for a moment. Allie was quick to head to the closest tree and begin scaling it with an unnatural grace. Rick headed towards a quite large rabbit hole. While Markus and Oliver went for a bush. Each of them then stashed their rucksacks, out of sight, easy to remember.

Lexi stuffed hers in a small hollow in the bottom of a tree, quickly covering it with a couple of stray leaf covered branches that were dotted around on the ground. As she rose Allie dropped out of the tree, landing silently beside her. They both shared a small nod before returning their attention to Oliver as he started to lead the way once more.

The walk would take them to their destination, each of them had memorised the route in the car not long after setting off. It didn’t take long until the trees began to thin, and before them was a large stretch of land. Rolling hills and oceans of green fields, the grass visibly waving in the breeze.

In the distance, a single structure was positioned directly in the middle of multiple fields. A farmhouse. It seemed the most innocent of buildings. It was large and the stone walls made it look homely, almost idyllic in the setting. Behind it stood a barn, standing tall, and at first glance appeared to be completely innocent. If Lexi didn’t know any better she wouldn’t have given it a second glance.

But she did know better. Which is what allowed her to pay extra attention to the more important details. On the roof of the barn there were small black figures just visible. Guards. Most likely armed. Certainly well trained enough to shoot any of them down as soon as they entered their line of sight.

Then there were the smaller details. The fields that were filled with animals that should be closer to the farmhouse, but instead were placed plots away. Were she to guess she’d probably say that the fields closer to the building were littered with landmines.

Oliver had a pair of binoculars in his hands and was peering through them and at the building. “Five on the roof of the barn. Three on the roof of the house. Men stationed outside around every twenty meters. And from what I can see there are a couple of patrols going around the nearby fields.”

They all nodded in response, their eyes scanning the area closely each of them trying to take in every detail possible.

“So what’s the plan?” Allie asked quietly. “They would see us coming if we just walked straight over there, we’d be dead before we even got close.”

“We could go steal the uniforms of one of those patrols?” Rick suggested.

“Again, they’d see us. How would we even get close to the patrol?” Oliver countered.

“Good point,” Rick murmured in reply.

They all sat in silence for a few moments before Lexi turned to Oliver. “Okay, so if you were them, what would you see as your weak point?”

Oliver frowned slightly as he scanned their surroundings, confusion written across his face. “I don’t know, everything out there is in plain sight. So maybe back here where we are now?”

Lexi nodded. “Exactly. So, what would you do to make sure that your borders were secure, if you were them?”

Oliver paused for a moment before allowing a small smile to creep across his face. “Send patrols back here,” he said, glancing at her once as she acknowledged his answer with a nod. “Okay good. They’ll be out of sight of the people in the house, which means they’re good for the killing.”

Markus grinned. “What better way to start the day, covered in blood and wearing somebody else’s already sweaty uniforms.”

Oliver rolled his eyes. “Okay, Rick, Markus. I want you two to head that way,” he said, gesturing to the left. “Lexi, Allie you’re with me. If you find them kill them and signal, we’ll come to you and vice versa.”

“Keeping all the girls to yourself Ollie?” Rick said with a smirk.

Oliver glared. “Go.”

The two of them were quick to sober up and gave a curt nod. Quickly raising and soon disappearing into the trees. Oliver then nodded at Lexi and Allie of them, getting to his feet as well and starting off in the complete opposite direction that Rick and Markus had gone in.

Lexi moved a couple of daggers that had been hidden up her sleeves, shuffling them until the hilts rested in her palm. She allowed herself a small smile at the familiar weight in each hand. There was something comforting about them. Knowing that they would be able to keep her safe. They were reliable and in her control.

Oliver and Allie had their hands at the ready, but she remained the only one who had a weapon drawn. After a couple of minutes there was a rustling sound. They all spun, turning to face the sound. Each expecting to see a group of men walking out towards them, guns drawn. Oliver and Lexi shuffled forward slightly, almost like a reflex reaction. The sense of anticipation in the air grew as they waited for something to materialise before them. Seconds passed. Then a minute.

Until, almost as they were about to lunge forwards and strike, a small bird hopped through the brush. Lexi let out a breathy laugh, lowering her blades. Beside her Oliver let out a sigh and returned his gun to its holster.

“Well that was anticlimactic,” Allie said.

Lexi nodded in agreement. “No kidding.”

“Come on, we should keep moving,” Oliver stated.

Lexi nodded, starting forward only to stop dead in her tracks. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” a voice drawled from behind them.

At that moment figures began appearing from all around them. They were trapped, the circle of men closed in around them. Each of them held a gun in their hands. They wore black body armour over the top of their dark clothing. Lexi swore violently under her breath as she moved into formation with Ollie and Allie, her back against theirs so that they all faced in different directions.

But it wasn’t until she looked past the initial first line of men that she saw him. The one who had spoken. He stood behind the men, an amused smile fixed on his face.

A Reaper.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review Review · Sep 2, 2016

Hello hello! Happy RevMo! I apologize that I haven't read the previous installments of this story, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.

I really liked the suspense you built by first telling us about the Reapers and the dangers they bring and then ending the chapter with a Reaper in their midst. Great cliff-hanger! Knowing what I know about Reapers, I'm definitely worried for these characters and I'm curious to see how they're going to get out of this situation. That being said, be very careful when you talk about the Reapers in the beginning part of the chapter. It felt like a borderline info-dump. I think it's good information to have at this moment, knowing what is going to come later, because it adds an element of suspense. However, you don't wan to give us too much. It's a fine line, and there's not a very clear answer of what is and isn't too much. One question to ask yourself about every piece of information you give us, is imagine if that information wasn't given to us right now - would we still understand the danger of the Reapers, and would the suspense still be there? I think you might be able to condense some of the information and save it for later when you can make giving us that information a bit more active.

One other thing to be mindful of as you're working on this story is the characters. I obviously don't have a lot of context for who these characters are because I'm coming in late, but five main characters can be a lot to manage. The way to pull this off is to make sure that each character is distinct and has their own, clear personality. I should be able to tell through how they speak, how they react, what they do, what their mannerisms are, etc. who is who. If you don't do this, they will start to bleed together because the reader won't have a good way to distinguish them. I had a hard time distinguishing them in this chapter. I know a big part of that is that I've come in late and I have no context, but keep each of their individual personalities and quirks and what not in mind as you continue to work on this.

I think you have nice descriptions and you do a nice job of setting the scene. One thing to consider, is making sure you're also including the why of each of your character's actions. Like here:

After precisely ten minutes Oliver held up a hand. They all nodded and looked around for a moment. Allie was quick to head to the closest tree and begin scaling it with an unnatural grace. Rick headed towards a quite large rabbit hole. While Markus and Oliver went for a bush. Each of them then stashed their rucksacks, out of sight, easy to remember.

Why does Allie head to a tree and start to scale it? Why does Rick go towards a large rabbit hole? Why do Markus and Oliver go to a bush? Why are they stashing their rucksacks?
I'm sure you've already explained in a previous installment what the larger plan and mission here is, but I want to understand each individual action that the characters do. How is what they're doing part of the greater plan and how are their individual actions going to help them achieve their goal? Why do they choose to go/hide in the places they choose? Is there a way to connect that back to their individual personalities as a way to differentiate them?

There were some small typos and grammar errors that I'm sure you'll be able to find yourself when you go back through. One really good way to catch grammar or typo errors is to put the document in a different size and/or font that you usually write in so it looks completely different on the page. Somehow that difference in appearance makes it easier to catch those things.

You have an intriguing premise here and I hope it's something you continue to work on! Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! :D

Hi!
Thank you so much for your review :)
I'll make sure to look over those points and make things a little clearer. And the tip about font sizes is super helpful, thank you!
And yep, happy RevMo to you too! :)
Thanks! :D

User avatar
Zee6
Review
Zee6 wrote a review Review · Jul 31, 2016

Hey,
So sorry it's been awhile huh? My computer broke and I just got it back like maybe two days ago. So I hope I'm not too late. Anyways thank for continuing this thing we have here. I really enjoy your story. Anyways back to the review.

First off, Oh dang! It got serious. I liked how you instilled fear in the beginning with the backstory of the Reapers. Then it was anticipation waiting for one of those guys to show up and not know how. I love that name by the way, Reapers. It reminds me of Overwatch which is still fitting considering Reaper is a savage.

Really i didn't find anything wrong with this at all. Grammar, paragraphing, tone, style, all was there and good. Except there was one part. the paragraph were Lexi goes and hides in the tree stump or something like that, there is a typo there. Other than that you're in tip top shape.

So overall Loving this story and I am so pumped for a fight scene. As always alert me when you have another chapter out and here I go to read chapter 3 part 1. :)

Hey! It's actually not been too long, I've been on holiday so haven't been able to post :(
But again, thank you so much for your review! I'll go hunt down that typo :D

Zee6 replied · Jul 31, 2016

Oh good!



The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart