I watched an old film starring Heathcliff,
It made me laugh and cry,
Why is it that the good die young?
I always ask myself at night.
I laid my tears out on the table,
My heart's laid out on the floor,
I made a deal with the devil,
'Cos i just can't take much more.
This life we live ain't nothing but pain and misery,
My only hope is one day I will join him, wait and see.
Because last year you left and the world it seems so much more bleak,
I can't accept the truth, so I will search and I will seek.
For an answer to explain the in justice of last year.
Until I find it i swear to God i'll be sure to shed no tears.
HEATH LEDGER 1979-2008 R.I.P.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This poem brought out man's common questions in an honest and simple presentation.
The narrator's question sticks thought the poem and his building rage for inability to know the mystery of an early death of good people was portrayed fantastically.
The poem was actually very touching and not just another piece of emotional drama.
I really liked the narrator's resolve towards the end.
Keep up this great standard of work.
Hey burgs! Me again. ^_^
Nit-Picks:
'Dye' should be die.
I've never heard 'cos' before... I've heard "cuz'". Also 'i' should be capitalized to 'I'.
'Oneday' is two words and 'i' should be capitalized. Also, a comma should be after 'him'.
This doesn't sound quite right. Try re-wording it or make another line with it.
Capitalize the "i"'s.
Flow:
There were some extra words tucked in a few lines that seemed to be interrupting the flow. The middle part of your poem didn't read well with me, because the flow went from quick and snappy to long and I don't think the transition went well. Perhaps this could be fixed by slowly making the lines more, because that way the appearance of the poem will look nice, as well.
Overall:
The poem itself was great! I liked the message it told and you came across clearly. I didn't particularly like your ending, as written, because it didn't seem to wrap it up as nicely as I would have hoped. The poem as a whole, though, and according to the point you were trying to get across, it was good.