Date: 16th December 2010
I had the most amazing dream last night. I'd never dreamt of something as romantic, intimate and mysterious before. Every time I think about it, it makes me want to cry because I wish it was real. I dreamt about this guy, I sort of remember him. I believe he had blue eyes a kind of bald hair cut, like the guy off Wanted, he was very tall. Probably about 6ft and he was very broad and had muscles to die for.
We were kind of a thing me and him. It was true love. I promise you. Every time I looked at him it would blurt out, I love you but he would always say it back even though he did say once
“You said that, 10 minutes ago”
But then he would grab my hand, touch my face or other things i could only describe as tingles through me. He was mine. All mine, my soul mate he was the best and most perfect thing in my world. He was the kind of person who would hold me, kiss me grab me romantically for no reason.
The main night was when I was in a car with him. He decided to kiss me and I kissed him back but there was something different about this kiss it was more deep, more tender, more connected with me than ever before I didn’t want to let go I couldn’t it was so strong my body could not stop tingling all over. All the blood rushed to my head. I knew we were about to go all the way. I lead backwards as he lean forward. He rubbed his body against mine statically. He softly engaged his hands on my back making his way to my chest and lifted my top over my head. I reached down to his trousers and undid his button easily still connected with this luscious kiss he kicked his trousers off as he pulled down my jeggins his hands investigated all of my body and it felt right, everything did. Naturally, as his body connected with mine he was a part of me we were one and I wanted it to carry on forever but in a millisecond he was gone. I was crying for months and months and I was in my garage at the time and my brother was standing there having a cigarette. He glanced at me and exclaimed
“What’s wrong”
And I replied
“He left me. I was in love with him and he disappeared”
As I cried frantically he said in comfort
“So what was this tosser’s name?”
As I stared into the sky. I laughed and sighed completely distraught as I replied, day dreaming.
“I didn’t even know...”
Not finished yet but what do you think
Go easy on me I'm new
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
really good loving the emotion in the story and how it has a nice flow!
i enjoy the funny ending really mad me laugh and this story caught my eye although sexual BEA! i still think it is really good so keep on going and keep writing enjoying the story.
Awrhhh I love this... it's awesomeness xD
I like that 
This is actually so GOOD. it felt kind of mystical and forbidden when I read that... "And he removed my jeggings and..." 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You use descriptive words and link them together so that it all runs smoothly and makes it easy to read
You should keep on practicing writing and you could get better and better ... I want to read MORE stories by youuuu
LOVE YOUU LOTSICLES
lots of love from....
a stranger
Hey, this is a really good piece of writing, and I've just got a few things to point out, but on whole I really liked it!
I think that you might want to change the wording here a little bit here, you've used most already and it might be better to change it to ' I had never dreamt of something so romantic, intimate and serious before'Not sure I like this phrase, try using something like 'and obviously a regular at the gym' just something slightly more sublte in discription.
I can be a bit of a grammar police person, but just please remember to put in commas.
I think an exclamation mark might be good here.
Other things you could only describe? Maybe not the best phrasing because the grabbing your hand was also something you described.
Remember your commas
There's a few more pieces of grammar here and there, but on whole, it was good! Especially for someone new! Sorry if I didn't go too wasy on you, but none of it is negative, I'm only here to help. (:
Hey! Welcome to YWS!
).
I'm sort of new too so I know how it feels to post your first work.
I think it's good but maybe you should go over it for spelling mistakes. Apart from that, it's good and relates to many people (I should know, I've had those types of dreams before
Keep writing!