I think wanting to be remembered is in human nature. Why else do people ruin their lives for something they claim to love? I'm obviously human, so I want to be remembered as well, I think its part of why I took the to write this down, to see my name in print. That's why girls stress about how they look in a yearbook picture during high school. I admit, I did it too, who didn't? And seeing how I'm still in high school, I've got a few more years of that to go through. But when you look at the scheme of things, is it really that important? Would you willingly put yourself through and emotional roller coaster ride that destroys your relationship with everyone that cares? If you could see that in five years you would be a drug addict, called a slut openly, picked on for every little thing till it drives you insane, would you get up on stage? Would you sign your name to that stack of papers, still warm from the printer, to be sent off to a publisher?
I'm assuming you're human if you're reading this, so that must mean you want to be remembered as well. I don't mean to scare anyone but when you think about it, how much are you willing to give up? And is it worth it?
I think so, but what can I say, I'm only human...
Another little thing that ended up on the page when I sat down to write. Like it or not, let me know.
-bueberry
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I like the tone of this piece....it's very light hearted and colloquial and it reminded me of a speaker at a big kind of symposium....I have a vivid imagination...what can I say?! Lol
chichi picked up on the major things, but if I were you I'd play on the humour element you've built up in its jokey style to lenghten it a bit...
If you want any help PM me, I'd be only to glad to lend a hand
This isn't really a story, it's more of a reflection. Instead of posting a blurb, why don't you write a chapter of this story and post it up instead? It will be better placed in fiction and reviewers will also get some idea of a plot, characters, etc.
"Its" should have an apostrophe before the "s" and should be replaced with "that's". You need the word "time" after "the".
You need a period instead of a comma after "too". You could even trim the fat and take out "who didn't?" altogether because, well, it's making assumptions about the people who will read this.
All through this you've used a more introspective tone, but now you are adding a foreign tone which sits awkwardly in this piece. Get rid of the "I don't mean to scare anyone but". If you don't mean to scare people, don't say anything!
You need to indicate when the piece finishes before adding comments like "that's it, please review", etc. Your writing style is very indefinite. It sounds like you are giving a lecture to your audience. Fiction is not for lecturing. It is for thought-provoking, invoking feeling and entertaining, but not for lecturing. That is more non-fiction papers.
I'm not really even sure why you wrote this in the first place. It sounds like a reflective journal entry, not something I'd post in the fiction section, if at all, because it doesn't tell a story. This could be used as stimulus material for a story, sure, but right now it cannot stand on its own.