Young Writers Society

Hey There! Having read chapter 1 of this, I was eager to read on, already this has developed into a really interesting plot.

So, to do a bit of nitpicking:

The second I heard a door closed, I stepped outside of the closet. I so didn't have time for this. I had to find that watch, before Tyrone called to hear if I was in trouble. I opened the other closet door and found nothing put a pile of male clothes. It looked like it had been stuffed into the closet before someone entered the room without knocking.

I threw it all on the floor, seeking for a destroyed watch. I was screwed. If I didn't get my ass out of here soon, with or without the watch, I would die. #FF0000 ">One way or the other. The boss would be angry at me and Tyrone disappointed, but the person who was in this house would be even angrier.#0000FF ">Maybe rewrite that little bit in red? The placing of your full stops and comma's seems a little out of place. I had no idea who lived here, because the Company never told us that kind of information. All they did was #FF0000 ">to#0000BF ">don't really need this word here, the sentence would flow better without it. show us a picture of the evidence they wanted us to steal.

#FF0000 ">There #0000FF ">'It' would fit better than 'There'must have been a couple of minutes since the door#FF0000 ">had? closed for the first time, because now I heard it opened again. I searched the closet one last time, but found no watch at all. Where the hell could it be?

As I started for the door I hear footsteps coming#FF0000 ">along?the hall. #FF0000 ">This way.#0000FF ">Although short sentences like this can be very effective in some situations, on this occasion, it doesn't seem to fit into the flow of the words. I hid behind the bedroom door, waiting for the person to walk past, but it never happened. You see, the person stepped into the bedroom, closing the door behind him, which meant, no more hiding for me.

He, a young man wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist, didn't look back, just walked straight ahead, to the pile of clothes that now laid on the floor in front of the closet. I couldn't see his face, because his back was turned to me. By the look of his back, he was well trained. Pale, too. His dark hair was wet, which was understandable if he'd just taken a shower.

As he bent down to grab something that looked like a shirt, I saw it. Why didn't I think of that before? He was wearing the evidence. There, on his right wrist, was the watch I was looking for. He must have gotten it repaired, because from where I stood it didn't look broken at all.

I decided to be the smart girl I really was, and run like hell as soon as he started to pull that shirt over his head. But before I could make my move, my cellphone started ringing. Shit. I didn't even bother turning it off as I opened the door to get the hell out of there.

He must have heard it, because as I slammed the front door shut, he was right behind it. I didn't stop running, just fished my cellphone out of the pocket of my jeans. "You couldn't have called at a better time," I said, almost out of breath.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, but then, "why are you panting?" I didn't even have time to give him an answer, because the second later I was tackled to the ground. My cellphone flew out of my hand and landed a couple of meters away. I would have picked it up, if it wasn't for the young man doing it before me and the pain that shot threw my ankle. He picked it up. "Because she ran," he said into the phone. He ended the phone call, then stared at me as he put it in his pocket.

How he had been so fast was a mystery. The same goes for how the hell he had heard what Tyrone had been asking me. "Get up," he said, doing a gesture with his hand. I didn't move. My body hurt all over, and I think one of my ankles #FF0000 ">were #0000FF ">wassprained.

When he saw that I didn't have any plans to get up, he came over to me, dragging me up buy the hair. #FF0000 ">Right now I wish I had cut it short in the summer, as I had planned. #0000FF ">Rewording this sentence would be wise, it's a bit muddled.If it wasn't for the Company saying no, I would've done it. I was used to my long, blonde hair now, and this man dragging me up by the roots of it, didn't make my body hurt any less.

I tried not to put any weight on my probably strained ankle as I got to my feet, him still holding my hair. "Go," he commanded. Like I could walk when one of my ankles was strained and my whole body hurt. My knee#FF0000 ">s was a bit wobbly and I had to concentrate to keep my balance. I was so dead. By now the Company would know that I had failed. Tyrone had to tell the boss what had happened, and I can tell you, he wouldn't be happy about it.

When the man saw that I couldn't walk properly, he lifted me up and carried me all the way back to his house. It wasn't more than a hundred#FF0000 ">th meters away. I still didn't understand how he had caught me. He must be som#FF0000 ">e kind of superhero to be as fast as he had been.