My scars date back to my early childhood.
But you must understand i am no monster nor am i insane but im quite misunderstood.
They called me names and gave me looks of disgust and hate.
a misfit, an outcast, a freak with no fate.
I cried out with a pure heart and begged Gods aid.
to escape the dark nights and alley's where i laid.
No answer.
"I've been let downand, cast aside, forgotten, and hated.
My greif stricken soul and willl to live regularly debated.
But just as i had given up hope and accepted the fact that i was going to die
I made myself a vow that no matter what i'd survive...
That vow i mad didn't stop the pain.
It never brought sunshine, it only brought rain.
Hated because of the creatured that spawned inside from unto whom i was born
Every day i felt the wrath of my own mothers scorn.
Tortured and beaten body but my soul seemed the most torn.
This story cant be found in a book or a fable
Because it's my life in plain sight laid out on a table
But life's scars left their marks and made me unstable.
I can only hope to survive and live through the day
but judge not the artifact that was molded from clay.
but the potter who made it and led it astray
How did i survive? Am i alive or Dead?
This is just a peice of the puzzle manifested in my head
But i will survive, liv and love
Breach the great standard and go so far above
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The first two lines are good lines, but I feel like a rhyme was being forced out. You may have come naturally with it and it seems like a nice rhyme for the stanza, but it seems unnatural.
After "They called me names and gave me looks of disgust and hate." I suggest putting a semi-colon after hate.
I suggest that the last line is capitalized. Capitalization sets me off.
Please, capitalize the "t" in the second line and the "i."
"downand" is not a word, nor would it make sense if you spaced them out. Just take out the and.
Grief, not greif. Take an "l" of will.
Capitalize "i."
Made.
What vow did you make?
Tell the reader something
In general, the poem needs some serious editing. There are plenty of typos and details that need to be added in.
Hey Bryan!
The rule here is to do two reviews for every work of your own that you post, so as to keep the site running and whatnot. If you're not sure how to do that there are a couple of articles you can check out here:
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That said, I did glance over your poem and I think before it can be properly critiqued it needs to be proofread. There are a ton of mistakes: capitalize your I's, use spellcheck, and either add or cut apostrophes. Too many typos can turn readers off quickly, no matter how excellent the actual content of the poem is.
Get some reviews and do some editing and I'll be happy to give you a good review.
-Mars