Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
(Probably should of done this earlier but... trigger warning for those of you who get easily offended)
Ingredients: grave robbed Margarine™, Marmite (Satan's best) ™, KRUPS 4-Slot Toaster with Lights and Sound Enhancement™, wholemeal bread very stale minimal mould
1.Surgically remove stale bread from back of cupboard.
2.Insert stale bread into KRUPS 4-Slot Toaster with Lights and Sound Enhancement™.
3.Make sure toast is in the bread slot this time unlike before when you incorrectly used a snake and burnt down a 3 story apartment complex. After this activate the toaster, if toaster does not comply bribe the toaster through methods unknown.
4.Patiently wait for toast to pop up, grow impatient and threaten to expose the toaster for tax evasion.
5.If toast did not pop up carefully use a metal fork or copper wire to get the toast, you must ensure that the toaster is on and active at all time during this procedure. If the toast pops up normally remove toast, if toaster has gown emotionally attached to the toast, find a police issue baton to beat the toaster into submission. If toaster is white ask politely for it to comply.
6.Put toast into a chemical solution of your choosing and let marinate for 3 days. Store toaster in bathtub for later use.
7.Obtain shovel and dig up mothers grave, take the Margarine™ jar buried with her, try not to violate the dead again, if you are against this act then leave.
8.Use small butter knife to lightly spread Margarine™ over lukewarm slightly corrosive toast
9.Create portal to hell out of various household objects such as goat intensities, however we consider all possibilities so if you are a vegan use human intestines to create your hell portal.
10.Reach down into the fire pits of hell and grab Marmite (Satan's best) ™.
11.Lightly spread Marmite onto the cold toast with a bone knife bought from the black market at a questionable rate.
12.Serve toast on floor and enjoy.
End result: A delicious piece of toast which experts consider the perfect piece of toast. However if a moderate size butter knife was used instead of the suggested small butter knife then a level 4 calamity event will occur shortly. Please be prepared to abandon everything you've ever known. Our company does not wish to explain the cause and effect of the results of using a large butter knife.
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