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Persephone's Prophecy

by brooklyn193


I am Persephone. I am an only child. My mom is the Demeter the goddess of spring growth. I am also the queen of the underworld. I had to marry Hades God of the underworld. I didn't want to marry Hades. He tricked me into eating three pomegranate seeds. If you eat any thing in the underworld bad things will happen to you. For me how much I ate when I first arrived I ate some food. So now I have to stay there for three months every year. At that time my mom is really sad. She won't let anything grow until I get back after 3 months. I should tell you the story how I got married to the most disgusting man alive a.k.a Hades.

It was a beautiful day the sun was out flowers blooming. I decided to pick some flowers for my mother. My friends came along and wanted to help out to. We started picking flowers when we see the most beautiful flower in the world. It was inside a cave which my friends claimed it was a passage to the underworld. But I thought they were just teasing. I step into the cave very carefully, nothing happens. I do it again with the same result. I do it all the way to the flower. My friends are telling me to come out this instant, I don't listen to them. One more step and I will get the flower. I take my last step I'm safe! My friends are so funny saying this was a passage to the underworld. I pick the flower. I turn around to go back when all of a sudden everything goes black.

I look behind me my friends are gone. I look up, nothing just black everywhere. I try to listen to hear my friends, my mom, the wind, anything. I look at everything around me. (Well, I think I did.) Then I hear a loud bark. A giant dog with three heads emerged. It had giant teeth and a collar around each neck. It started growling at me. Then a man walked up to me " Shush Cerberus. We have a lovely guest in our home." Said the man who I would later find out was Hades god of the underworld. " You are welcome until you find your way back young lady." Said Hades. " Let me introduce myself as Hades the great and powerful God of the underworld." My friends were right it was a secret entrance to the underworld! " Um… can you show me how to get out of here, maybe?" I say. " ha ha ha ha. You think you can get out that easily. You will be my next bride maid." I keep trying to let him take me home but he says it's my destiny to live with him.

Three months finally pass. I get to go home. After three months you would get really hungry. Hades has a big table full of food. He offers me some food. My mom always warned me not to take food from gods. Sometimes you can get cursed or killed. But Hades seemed so nice and kind to me lately. He offers me a pomegranate seed. He tells me if I like it I can have more. I eat the seed and I like it. I eat two more. Now I can go home. After I get back it is really cold. After seeing dead people and only dead people you aren't exactly use to alive people. After traveling for a day or two I finally find my mother. She was looking for me too. As soon as we see each other she doesn't say hello or anything she asked me where I've been. " I've been in the underworld mommy." I reply. " Sweetie you didn't eat anything there did you?" Said Demeter. "Well yes… but only three pomegranate seeds." I say. My mom shakes her head and starts murmuring. " No no no no no." She frowns. " Honey Bunch you have a prophesy if you eat something in the underworld you have to stay there for as many things as you eat. For you three months since you ate three pomegranate seeds.



Persephone's Prophesy

For you if you do eat food

under the grasses hood

you shall stay will Hades

and never see any daises

When I fell into the hole or secret entrance to the underworld I dropped the flower. The prettiest flower in the world fell to the ground and welted into something that would give children nightmares for weeks. After that Cerberus ate the flower or what was a flower and pooped it out a month later. Which I unfortunately had to clean. That was my job when I am in the Underworld. 

I don't have any friends in the underworld besides dead people. I'm bored to death every day literally. I'm thinking of a way to make people come visit me. Hades doesn't seem so nice any more he was just nice to me at first so I eat some of his disgusting food. We are now husband and wife which makes me immortal that is the one big whoop about this. He made me marry him or else I wouldn't be able to to see my mom any more. The bad thing about being immortal though is having to stay with him forever. I might as well get use to him now than never.


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35 Reviews


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Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:05 pm
wendylau98 wrote a review...



Hello Brooklyn!

This is my first ever review.

I love Greek Mythology, I like that how accurate you wrote the story except I don't remember Cerberus pooping out anything.

Overall, it is interesting that it shed light to Hades force marriage unto Persephone from her perspective. Unfortunately, quite a few error for grammars, tenses, preposition and some would me better if rephrase. Secondly, the story were quite dragging and rushing. The flower picking were described longer, but in hell with Hades at dinner and the 3 months were all too rushing. And the ending was too hanging, as if she given up all and no fighting spirit in here to make the life in hell better (literally hell I might say).

Anyway, great job and keep it up! You have lots of room to improve.

~Wendy




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Sun Apr 16, 2017 1:21 am
jesxangel wrote a review...



Hi Brooklyn! I really liked the idea, but there are some bits that I will point out to help you make future ideas better :)

There are some bits that are grammatically incorrect, e.g. Commas here, needs a preposition here, etc. A few sentences didn't make sense because of it, and there are a few missing letters here and there.

If you could specify who says what and leave a space between them, it would be much easier to read. Also, especially in first person perspective, stick to one tense. You switch a lot, and it's confusing. I have no idea how to help you with that, but going over your work once or twice will generally help with everything listed here - if it doesn't sound or look right, it probably isn't.

Hope I helped,
Jesxangel




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Sat Apr 01, 2017 11:59 am
skylnn00writes wrote a review...



Hey! Sky here for a review. Below are plainly suggestions.

Rewording, Grammar, etc.:
*The things in red are changes or something you should fix.

My mom is the Demeter, the goddess of spring growth.


I had to marry Hades, God of the underworld.


For me how much I ate when I first arrived I ate some food.

This whole sentence just didn't make any sense to me. I tried reading it a bunch of times.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, flowers were blooming.


My friends came along and wanted to help out too.


My friends are telling me to come out this instant, I don't listen to them.

A comma isn't what goes there.

I take my last step and I'm safe!


I look up, nothing just black everywhere.

The wording here is weird.

Then a man walked up to me " Shush Cerberus. We have a lovely guest in our home," said (*Quick side note: You do this a lot. The sentence in the quotations isn't complete, so use a comma. Then don't capitalize the tag after.) the man who I would later find out was Hades god of the underworld. ... My friends were right. It was a secret entrance to the underworld!

Spacing. Big issue here. Also, separate who is talking and when. It got kind of confusing. You do it later too, so just put it on the next line when someone is going to talk. You can also take out "who I would later find out was Hades god of the underworld." The last two sentences here you can also take out, but it is up to you.

Three months finally pass. I get to go home.

This is very sudden. Maybe give a short synopsis of how those three months went if you don't want to get into detail.

After seeing dead people and only dead people you aren't exactly use to alive people.

This is also kind of weird. Just look it over.

Hades doesn't seem so nice any more. He was just nice to me at first so I eat some of his disgusting food.


We are now husband and wife which makes me immortal. That is the one big whoop about this. ... I might as well get use to him now than never.

Last sentence is strange.

Ok, overall it was good. I tried to correct grammar as best as I could. You repeated a lot of mistakes and I pointed it out the first time but I'll leave it up to you after that. Last big thing, you switched tenses a lot. I have no idea how to help you because I do it too and it is not my best, but I will just advise you of it.

I hope this is helpful. :smt001

~Sky




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Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:26 am
SugarApple wrote a review...



Hello, brooklyn193! This is a really good concept you took, and wove into a little story! It's cool looking at things from Persephone's point of view. Just a few suggestions, I feel like you are switching between tenses(I may be mistaken). Also, this story would be so much better if you just stretched things out a little more, and maybe added some descriptive words? One last thing, can you separate the quotes from the individual paragraphs they're in? I found them kind of hard to read.
Overall, this concept had really good potential if you just work on it a little more. Keep up the good work!




SugarApple says...


Sorry, ignore this!




According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
— The Bee Movie