Young Writers Society

Hello brokestarvingwriter,
This poem has humor and is interesting.

I could not spot any mistakes in grammar, and the rhyming was mostly consistent throughout the poem. However, I do not understand one part of it:

Grandma climbed a tree and refused to come down.
She was tired of her kids always clowning around.
She was sick of being ignored and being put down,
so she climbed up a tree and said,"I'll never come down!"
She'd given birth to three kids.
She never shouted or hit.
Now they forget she exists,
and she's alone on Christmas.
One day she stood up to shout,
"It's over! I'm out!"
leaving no doubt
what she was shouting about.
Now she's up in a tree,
ignoring her families pleas.
They're down on their knees,
but it's too late for sorrys.
The reporters came; they all made a scene.
All the neighbors came too- they all wanted to see.
They decided that that was a good place to be,
so they all went and found their own tree.
One day Grandma thought about it and found
that her kids were still always clowning around.
They were still being ignored and being put down, In this line you have put "They were still..." I think you meant to put she was instead of "they were".
so she packed up her things and moved back down to the ground.

Love the poem.! its funny

Hello!

Well, as is said above, your rhymes were inconsistent. Also,

'She'd given birth to three kids.
She never shouted or hit.'

I think it would sound better if you added something the second line, even if it's not what you're trying to say, as it just sounded a bit odd to me. And there was repitition of 'down'

Otherwise, I enjoyed it! Very amusing ^^ A 'like' for you!

Keep writing,

~Durrie

This remind me of Shel Silverstein's poems. Kudos for that.

H'm. Not much I can say about it, otherwise.

This poem had a dark sort of humor to it and made me sad a little when thinking about the poor little grandmother alone on Christmas. The whole part of her up in the tree though was funny though. Good job with all the punctuation that you used. I probably would have mangled it. Great poem!

hahahahah, I effing love this!

I mean, yeah it was a bit cluttered at parts but hey, you get a ruby and it will always have something stuck to it.

Oh man, the odd kinda sad humor in it, like with every joke there'd be a barely audible sigh afterwards.

Good show!!!

haha, anways, I cant really comment on it beyond what has been said before me, just clean it up a bit and refine it and this will be effing perfect!

MUCH MUCH love, Era.

yeah I think you should veeto that line.

would it detract from the story if I took out the "soon there was a treetop community" line to fix the rhyme scheme?

I saw the title and HAD to check this out. I thought it was a fairly good poem, there was an inconsistent rhyme pattern but a consistent meter which was good. All your rhymes were assonance which I always do. There weren't many grammatical mistakes from my humble slightly near-sighted eyes so your ok there. All in All, it was a pretty funny poem and I liked it!

~Jasmine Bells~
PEace, Love, Writing and Insanity