Published January 15, 2011
9:48
The only minute I don't hate
And just 5 minutes before I meet my fate
9:49
The sweetest minute of the night
In hell, I dine
4 from now, I feel it's might
9:50
Ten till
The clock is spinning now,
It turns still
9:51
A rather bitter minute one
Might expect to come undone
With 2 minutes before Hell,
And 120 seconds to tell
My loved ones what I've really done
9:52
60 seconds left to feel
58 seconds left to heal
But now, what must I do?
9:53
The time is upon me now, to know fate
A figure in black shows at my door, the line
(My heart is freezing still)
Is drawn, only to be come undone
He asks me, out of blue,
"How are thee?"
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138,926 Literary Works • 672,328 Reviews
Wow. I liked this poem.
It flowed well, made sense, and was really just a good poem.
Keep it up!
--Rayne
It's there to not interfere with the "the line is drawn" part. In other words, I wanted to stick that in there to keep with the rhyme scheme of the last stanza, but not muddle things up.
Ok, this is a good poem, but not as good as others that I've read by you.
What is with the parentheses here???Keep writing,
Alzora
It may seem weird, but I did that on purpose. "out of the" seems WAY too generic to me, but "out of blue" just flows nicer, which is the idea of the poem.
That's all I had a problem with. Otherwise, I loved this. It flowed nicely and didn't feel at all forced. Good job!
~LadyPurple.