Can't be who I am,
Gotta keep it all inside
I'm happy when I'm out,
But alone I sit and cry.
I smile to keep you happy
I smile when you're around
But all the time I know
My life's come crashing down
You've never looked into my head
and wondered if I cry
I bet you think I'm happy here
But I only want to die
Tell me if you see me
as you walk the halls today
I'm that girl that no one likes
and you make me feel bad in every way
I'm the one forced in a group
when doing projects in school
You're the one who laughs at me
Cuz you think you're too cool
So next time you laugh at me
Just remember this poem
I'm a human being too
and I cry when I'm alone.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
This poem was written by me, Alesha Rae Faulkner, and copyrighted in 1999 on NetPoets.com
How DARE you steal poetry!? That is so low.
hey!
I love your poem , I think it is fantastic!
but if you are getting bullied or hurt stop it before it too late... I've been bullied so many times that I really sometimes want to kill myself...
but back to your brilliant poem! i love how you finished it:
I'm a human being too
and I cry when I'm alone.
but i do think that you should split up your poem a bit more, like this
Can't be who I am,
Gotta keep it all inside
I'm happy when I'm out,
But alone I sit and cry.
I smile to keep you happy
I smile when you're around
But all the time I know
My life's come crashing down
You've never looked into my head
and wondered if I cry
I bet you think I'm happy here
But I only want to die
because it would give the poem a better flow!
thats all from me for now!
just dont forget that hese are only suggestions and dont change your poem if you like it!
dancingclouds
Hello! Welcome to YWS!!! This poem is great. I feel like that too, when I'm new at school.
Since you're new you might want to do a few things:
1. For every post you have to review 2 other posts. That's YWS's 2:1 ratio. It will help you get more reviews.
2. You might want to make a post in the Welcome forum. Then members will come and greet you, and explain everything YWS. Here is a link: Welcome!
Onto the review:
This is very long, I suggest you split it up like this:
It would be easier to read that way.
Plus adding punctuation would be good too.
Again you should split this up. Here:
Wow.
Your imagery and emotion in the poem was great!
I give you a 9/10.
Great job! Feel free to PM me if you have a question about this review or want me to review another one.
~Stormy