Published August 10, 2010
Death
that’s the most simple word,
the most simple thing a person will go through
death is thought a punishment
But no…not really,
it’s a simple but careful thing
most don’t deserve to die,
but if its for the right cause
its worth it
they’ve done their part,
they’ve lived their lives,
don’t fear death
but embrace it
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Canary word: Present
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140,946 Literary Works • 673,776 Reviews
Hey, hey! Shadow here! OK, there was one thing I found that bothered me.
That was the only mitakes I saw! I loved this, because it is so true, and you got your point across with it.
It didn't really flow, but not all poems have to flow. This is really good, and I enjoyed reading it!
If you need anything else reviewed, shoot me a PM,and I'll take a look at it!
~xX~Fosakinshadow~Xx~
This was sort of short and to the point, but the use in punctuation was poorly writing and so was the capitalization. But it was unique in a way and for that I like it. For a few little adjustments :
Let the reader me edged on by the words, by pausing it and not letting it run on all at once. Keep writing!
I love the subject and perspective, but poetry is taking something like what you've written above and stating it eloquently, and making it flow. I really hope to see a revised version of work, and I look forward to reviewing and reading it as well. Best of luck to you.
Ok, this poem was slightly weird. I felt like it was more like a sort of comment rather than a poem. I get what you're trying to say and it was a good message. However,
I think a lot of the things you've put in such as this one could be added more eloquently, in a more beautiful way. Maybe you could personify death? Carry out your message in a way that's not so 'on the surface' if you get what I mean?I feel like this part doesn't flow very well and could be rephrased.
Hope i've been of help
God bless you