Published August 23, 2010
Alone,
Forgoten,
You don’t care,
You’ve left me behind,
To burn,
the flames are upon me,
Yet I feel no warmth;
Only the coldness you’ve left in my heart,
The dissapointment,
The stinging pain,
Now im drowning,
Not in water,
But in your rumors and lies
You’re a vampire sucking away my happiness,
A king declaring I shall live no more
But for what gain?
My suffering
Brings you joy,
Accomplishment
But soon,
You will burn and be crushed
By a friend ,
I call carma
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141,451 Literary Works • 674,461 Reviews
Nice piece.. the metaphors were really helpful.
I would recommend running this through spell check.. there were quite a few spelling errors, which was pretty distracting. I would also suggest omitting or changing the comparison you made to a vampire.. for some awful reason, whenever anyone now so much as hears the word vampire, they automatically think of Twilight. This is not a relation you want to have to your poem.
The ending hit really hard in this piece... wonderfully done. Love the tone, and the change of emotion throughout this. Great job.
Coral
Good poem and I like the flow of it.
The lines in blue are the ones I like. You capture the emotions well.
I like the ending, too. It's all sad then saying "you better watch your back".
Good work! And I like your avatar