A Dropped Mirror
As the light bounces off you,
I realize that you’re not perfect.
Like a dropped mirror,
you’re cracked in many places.
Crooked lines illuminate every scar,
every mistake.
The one thing that’s clear
is that you need to be fixed.
But it seems like you’re waiting
for a hint or maybe a signal.
In that case, I am unable to help you.
I’m here to make you understand
that the burden is on you.
Only you can fix yourself.
Find a way to fill in the cracks.
This is something I wrote about a month ago and have been trying to fix up whenever I got the chance. I hope you like it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I liked the begining, but toward the end it just seems like you are shoving a person away. It turns from emotion to nothing. Most poems go like let me fix you or something of the sort. I can't figure out if I like this or not. Other than my indecision I like this.
Keep Writing
-Flower-
I agree, a bit too many words. Its good though, overall. follow the previous comment's example.
Cheers!
I really liked this piece, but there are a few things I would change up. You currently have too many words, which makes the piece very choppy Here's how I would do it.
As the light bounces off you
I realize, you’re not perfect.
Like a dropped mirror
you’re cracked in many places.
Crooked lines illuminate every scar
every mistake.
One thing is clear
you need to be fixed.
But it seems like you’re waiting
for a hint, a signal.
I am unable to help you.
I’m here to make you understand
the burden is on you.
Only you can fix yourself.
Fill in those fragmented cracks.
Just an idea. If you noticed, I took out some of the "thats" and other short words in order to illuminate some of the better words. Hope this helps.