Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
“Well this is nice, isn’t it?”
Yup, loads.
“I think it’s actually a great thing our friends had to cancel at the last minute. I mean, we hardly get to spend time together as it is.”
There’s a reason for that you know.
“I mean, at school we always hang out with our friends, and you are just sooo against any form of PDA that we don’t really do anything.”
That too.
“We’ve been dating for like three months and we’ve only kissed like twice.”
Both times, I was forced.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
“And once, this girl asked me if it would be alright to date you, since I was your last girlfriend. . . She wasn’t that pretty or nice looking either. But, it was sort of strange. Being asked for permission to date your boyfriend I mean.”
“Yea.”
“…”
Tick Tock.
“You wanna watch a movie? There’s this new one that just came out that’s gotten great reviews. And it doesn’t seem that cheesy either.”
“It’s probably all sold out by now.”
“Oh, you’re probably right. Wanna walk around then?”
“Nah, I’m kind of tired.”
“Oh. Well then let’s just stay here.”
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
“This tastes good. Do you want a bite?”
“I’m allergic.”
Tick Tock.
“Oh.”
We were friends for years, didn’t I tell you?
“Well I guess what you’re eating looks good too. Can I have a bite?”
“Take it, I’m not hungry.”
“Oh.”
…
“I’ve got homework to do. I’ll see you.”
“Call me later!”
Really now, why do I even bother? And I’m sure she told them the wrong date or something.
“Hey wait up!”
Shit.
“I forgot I bought tickets ahead of time! Think you can put a hold on the homework for just a couple hours? Please, pretty please?”
Do I have a choice?
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
“I didn’t think that movie would be so sad! What’d you think?”
“I fell asleep”
“Oh.”
“Well, I’m gonna go.”
“Oh. Bye.”
I suppose breaking up with her might incur the wraths of our friends, wouldn’t it?
“Hey man, how’d it go? Wasn’t it fun?”
“You guys planned to bail?”
“Yea, but the two of you deserved some time together. And she was all up for it.”
“Why wasn’t I told?”
“But you’re so uptight; she didn’t know how to ask you so she got us to help.”
“Whatever.”
“Geez dude, loosen up.”
“I’ve gotta go.”
“Hey wai—“BEEP
Ugh. Why won’t they just leave me alone? Am I really expected to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone?
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
I swear, one of these days, I’m gonna lose it.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
One of these days, I swear.
Tick Tock. Tick Tock.
Oh for crying out loud!
Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick— CRASH!
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me. We need to talk.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Nice! I like your style, and internal monologue with outside components. Did you want people to relate to it? Because while I didn't, I think others might.Overall, though, great job! Also, Welcome to YWS. You seem like a great new addition.
--Dreamy115
Awesome. It was different, and very interesting, the plot was great too. I really like your writing1 I got to feel the MC through his thoughts [he's unintentionally funny!] and the girl's character as well. This was very well done, in my mind.
The conversation and the thoughts seemed real enough and interesting enough to make the reader read on - but that was all - you didn't really put in descriptions, but then, I think it's just one of the things that are different about it. Well done on the end, the last line really left me hanging. I liked the repetition of the tick tock. Great idea.
It was very unique, and not everyone can relate to it, but I really liked this. I'm sorry this isn't much of a review, I just couldn't find many things to add. If you have a question or want another review, don't hesitate to pm me
Ofir
Hello bpqq365,
. This is a very interesting piece. But before I read the rest and review in full length I would like to inform you of YWS main rule. Before you post a piece of your own work you have to review two other pieces of work by two other authors. This ensures that everyone;s work is getting reviewed, thus everything is fair. 
Have a very happy welcome to Young Writer's Society
If you have any questions please PM me.
Tiffany