Published January 26, 2010
I remember being so young I was on the back of a bicycle in another place.
I remember being two and playing in snow taller than I was.
I remember being three and having a crush on a boy.
I remember being four and thinking, “Eww, this boy’s icky.”
I remember being five and having fights with “friends.”
I remember being six and meeting someone I won’t ever forget.
I remember being seven and telling everyone I had two older brothers.
I remember being eight and getting cable television.
I remember being nine and having to start all over.
I remember being ten and seeing a home I’d somehow forgotten.
I remember being eleven and having my heart broken.
I remember being twelve and being made fun of.
I remember being thirteen and making the decision that would change my life.
I remember being fourteen and being the happiest I’d been in years.
I remember being fifteen and realizing just how long I’ve lived.
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141,408 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
Whoa. This hurt my eyes. Not really your fault, but could you put an extra line in between the phrases?
Anyway, about your poem! It was awesome! It was really cute. My only suggestion is for you to fix the line for when you were thirteen. Unless you wanna explain, it's a bit out of place to randomly mention a random decision, for lack of better words.
Nice job.
--Dreamy
Beautiful & Individual
'Nough said.
Ben.
Hello there...
So I kind of liked this poem. I liked the numerical progression of age but got rather bored with the "I remember being..." over and over and over again. I love how it ends. Reading it, I was half-afraid you would leave me in misery for the poor child. But it ended with hope. I like that. So all in all, good job.
Hi there, Bpq! Nice poem. By the way, welcome to YWS. It's always nice to see a new member.
Boy, did this hurt my eyes. XD. Probably just me.
The idea of this poem is a nice one, I just don't like the execution here. There is no rhyme, or even...really any rhythm. I like rhythm.
So, I'm guessing your fifteen. Yes, it always is good to look back and write a poem on it; perhaps just make it to have more rhythm and you'd be good. Perhaps this is how you wanted it though, all I'm doing is saying what I would do.
Well. Tata.
-Miss Mizzz