Do you ever marvel or wonder?
At the world - its beginning, its end?
At the sound silence in the turbulent thunder.
The cacophony, calm and fear, around every bend
And how positive and negative, never without the other, blend
--
Do you ever wonder or think?
At the universe, its contents, and beyond?
At how everything normal can disappear in a wink.
How one never knows all of something no matter how fond.
And how time turns, travels, no matter how rationally one responds.
--
Do you ever think or feel?
At life, its meaning, and yours?
At depths of the soul that never will heal.
And how one can never visit all their own shores.
The aspects, angles of one’s own self shut behind closed doors.
--
Do you ever feel or tense?
At love, its grasp, grip - upsetting hold.
At bewildering beliefs about such a common fence.
How crazily some simple things, with advancing time, unfold.
And no matter how hard one tries, this is the hardest time to be bold.
--
Do you ever tense or look?
At the baffling beauty of the now.
At a wavy thought above a feeling brook.
Or when looking at twinkling stars and asking how
Then knowing in the dark that this will all work out somehow.
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139,679 Literary Works • 672,648 Reviews
Hello there!
I really like the first stanza. You spoke of the coexistence of two seemingly contrasting terms. I, especially like the line,
I was wondering why your username was so familiar and then I realized that you were the one who wrote "New Normals." So hello again, I'm back
I also like how you're trying to put on a rhyme scheme but it somehow sacrifices the meaning of your poem. An example of a forced line is,
Now, I've noticed that you pass down the second verb in the first line into the next stanza, for instance
which I interpreted as the connection of actions. It made me realize that one thing leads to another. When you start wondering, you start thinking, and thinking comes with feeling it no matter what degree of emotions it is. This was really unique. I love it.
At first, besides the first stanza, I didn't see the connection between each line that comprises a stanza. After a few re-reads, I realized that somehow they have this common theme lurking. The first about juxtaposing things, second on the ethereal or beyond this dimension, third is poignancy, and the fifth is beauty. I skipped stanza four because I couldn't see the relation between love, belief, and simple things. I suggest focusing on the "upsetting hold of love" because this is an unpopular opinion which you could expound on through descriptions.
Overall, I love your poem! I'll be reading more of your works so keep on writing:)
Best regards,
Kattee x
Hi bpmzcpl!
I really like this poem! It is intriguing because it really makes you think about the more philosophical questions of the world and the ideas that are hard to explain. It is a beautiful poem that analyzes the meaning of life and the world and makes the reader ponder these thoughts. I thought that you did a really nice job with your description and the rhyming even though I'm sure that must have been a little tricky at times. One suggestion I have is to double-check your punctuation because there are some spots where you are missing it, but for the most part you did a really nice job with that. All in all, this is a wonderful poem so great job! Keep writing and good luck!
I like this piece.There is something so overwhelming about how you pose your questions about the universe. And something so comforting in that last line. Even the last stanza. I think this piece would do very well spoken aloud.
I will say you may want to change the punctuation of the second lines in the last two stanzas just so they match the previous ones.