z

Young Writers Society



Street Lamp

by boz


Outside, a pool of light in the darkness-
cast by a solitary street-lamp-
orange-bright, illuminating
the stop sign at the end of the road.
Four faint white letters:
S T O P.
Above, the floating, fiery head of light.
A sentinel of sorts, head bowed to the darkness,
resigned to fulfill its duty and then fade, forgotten, in the morning
when the sun relieves it of its post.

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42 Reviews

Points: 1179
Reviews: 42

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Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:17 pm
carolinewashere wrote a review...



I think this poem is great.

A sentinel of sorts, head bowed to the darkness,
that was my favorite line. I am a little confused what the sentinel is doing though. I liked it anyway though.

If you want my opinion on the word stop. You could put a . (period) between each letter like this:

S.T.O.P.

But that is if you want your reader to read each letter as if it is on its own. Instead of actually reading the world stop.

Alrighty. Keep writing! I enjoyed this peace.




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Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:04 am
Juniper wrote a review...



Hey Boz! Welcome to YWS! I'm June, and I'm going to run over this for you :).

I absolutely love this type of poetry! (Found poetry, is it, I believe?) It's centered around something so common that everyone can relate to. The audience is almost always able to feel some type of connectivity with the poem.

Here are my only corrections:

Outside, a pool of light in the darkness-


Twice in this poem, dear, you use a hyphen (-) instead of a dash. You used the hyphen correctly when you wrote street-lamp; a dash is two hyphens (--) or, a dash; (▬)


S T O P.


And this! XD I know, it sounds silly for me to point this out, but I don't like the usage of the period there :P. It's too... blah? XD Stop signs have no periods on them, so! I think that you should leave it without.


I wish there was more I could say about this, Boz, but there isn't! I love the structure you used here; it created a peculiar rhythmic pattern throughout.

Well done! Gold star for you!

(Keep it up, and I look forward to more poetry by you!)

June :)




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98 Reviews

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Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:05 am
chasingcolts21 wrote a review...



Hello, I'm Colt, and I must say, sweet poem!

Welcome to YWS! As I said in your other thread, members must keep a two review to one critique ratio.

I liked it, but I would have added to it.

Things were described well too...

I don't know if it's better, but I would have wrote S T O P. like this:

S
T
O
P

That gets my attention more. <.<

I'm just weird though. -_-

The grammar looks fine too...bravo!

-Colt





Even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief