Published March 16, 2009
Outside, a pool of light in the darkness-
cast by a solitary street-lamp-
orange-bright, illuminating
the stop sign at the end of the road.
Four faint white letters:
S T O P.
Above, the floating, fiery head of light.
A sentinel of sorts, head bowed to the darkness,
resigned to fulfill its duty and then fade, forgotten, in the morning
when the sun relieves it of its post.
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,397 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I think this poem is great.
that was my favorite line. I am a little confused what the sentinel is doing though. I liked it anyway though.If you want my opinion on the word stop. You could put a . (period) between each letter like this:
S.T.O.P.
But that is if you want your reader to read each letter as if it is on its own. Instead of actually reading the world stop.
Alrighty. Keep writing! I enjoyed this peace.
Hey Boz! Welcome to YWS! I'm June, and I'm going to run over this for you
.
I absolutely love this type of poetry! (Found poetry, is it, I believe?) It's centered around something so common that everyone can relate to. The audience is almost always able to feel some type of connectivity with the poem.
Here are my only corrections:
Twice in this poem, dear, you use a hyphen (-) instead of a dash. You used the hyphen correctly when you wrote street-lamp; a dash is two hyphens (--) or, a dash; (▬)
And this! XD I know, it sounds silly for me to point this out, but I don't like the usage of the period there
I wish there was more I could say about this, Boz, but there isn't! I love the structure you used here; it created a peculiar rhythmic pattern throughout.
Well done! Gold star for you!
(Keep it up, and I look forward to more poetry by you!)
June
Hello, I'm Colt, and I must say, sweet poem!
Welcome to YWS! As I said in your other thread, members must keep a two review to one critique ratio.
I liked it, but I would have added to it.
Things were described well too...
I don't know if it's better, but I would have wrote S T O P. like this:
S
T
O
P
That gets my attention more. <.<
I'm just weird though. -_-
The grammar looks fine too...bravo!
-Colt