Published October 19, 2010
I am from my dads house quiet, still and peaceful
I 'm from my moms house where it is loud but reassuring and safe
I'm from accidents in cars where over and over again mom gettin spooked or dad yelling
I'm from a small place out of state, but this state is beautiful with all the trees and the mountains
I'm from a semi-peaceful place and I love it
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The main critique is 'show don't tell'. I think there's a writing article on here with this example on it:
"Don't tell me the moon is out, show me the light reflecting in the glass"
The third line didn't make sense, nor did you use proper grammar.
The fourth line you tried to add*;) description but it came off as dull. Add more interesting words, and describe the ways the trees blow in the wind as opposed to there just being trees.
Your last line shows that you are from one place while you clearly state that you are from more then. Then again, you could be making a remark on the world as your home. If this is the case, elaborate and add some imagery.
Keep writing, kat.
cool