Is this an act of blaming or is this just regret?
I've been miseducated, now I'm sinking in the sea of wrath.
This vacillating wave has got me dizzy,
Got me stranded on the know-nothing island.
O' Lord, the master of all knowledge,
Have I been old and running out of sand?
My indignant demon has been trapped in the hourglass.
We both know he can't turn it over.
We both know he can't even climb up.
O' my pathetic devil,
We both know we still have a choice.
So I throw my useless shovel at that deceiving glass,
But I've got this sharpened dagger on my hand.
I don't know what regret is, I'm the time beater.
I can't be tamed, I tame my demon.
I've been miseducated, but never once a dummy.
This is an act of blaming.
For our improper comprehension, our stupid upbringing, and immoral custom,
We've got to share that miserable sin.
But don't we ever regret any second.
For the reliance is on ourselves.
For we are the generation of independence.
We heal.
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141,408 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
'Ello, it's cello!
(And a very late welcome to the site!)
You had outstanding vocabulary in this piece and I truly admire your work on this poem. You told a beautiful story and everything flowed rather nicely. Now, I see your last review on this was all praise so I won't go on. It always helps to get some feedback with edits and suggestions to improve.
This is a rather minor thing-
and also
When people write "O'" it tends to be a shorter version of 'of'. Now, I've seen it used in other ways (like how you're using it) but there's another version of this 'word' that works just as well and is specifically for uses such as this one. 'Oh'. 'Oh lord'. I can see why you might not like this, as it's significantly casual-er so I'm leaving it up to you on weather to change the 'o'' or not.
The second to last sentence was powerful, but not an ending. The last sentence was an ending, but it wasn't powerful. You would make this a truly beautiful (and more powerful) piece and leave the reader leaving it with a simple change.
"But don't we ever regret any second.
For the reliance is on ourselves.
For we are the generation of independence.
We are the generation that heals."
It's a strong statement and it leaves the reader feeling empowered.
Keep up the amazing writing!
-ChocolateCello
Hi blueorchid, Felistia here with a review on your short story.
Firstly, happy review day and welcome to YWS.
The story: I liked the theme of the poem and the over all feel. You used large, interesting words that helped make the poem interesting.
The punctuation and grammar: As far as I see the grammar is good and so is the punctuation, so well done. The poem also flow quite well.
The over all: Over all I loved it. My favourite part was these three lines
(This vacillating wave has got me dizzy,
Got me stranded on the know-nothing island.
O' Lord, the master of all knowledge,)
Problems: I do have one problem though. I really don't like the line (O' my pathetic devil,) Don't know why, it just doesn't feel as smooth as the others.
Over all I liked it. Well done. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Hey!
This poem is beautifully written. I love the evolution that occurs within it--from a somewhat negative outlook to a positive, more optimistic one that looks toward the future. Your vocabulary is stellar, and I honestly feel like I just read something that should be published in an anthology alongside Emily Dickinson somewhere. Throughout it all, you maintain a rhythm that keeps me reading at a pace that brings me to the end more quickly than I meant to, but that just encourages me to read it again . . . and again . . .
Congratulations on a superb piece of writing.
~ Adele
WELCOME TO YWS