Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a pretty intense little story here...its got a couple of issues with the overall flow of it, but it does seem like a pretty interesting story, well more details on what I mean, down below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
This was hell. I trampled my feet against the hard floor, glanced at the door. The staffs’ voices approached my ears, made my head ache. How could I escape?There were about ten workers behind the door. They will notice me and being impertinent people, ask me when will I go back here.
Oooh...okay...well this appears to be a fairly intense start here...looks like we're in for a bit of an action scene at this point here....certainly looks like some sort of big escape attempt is about to happen here.
I scrubbed my itchy neck and my coated arm. Why my arm was twinging? I pulled the blinking sleeve, revealing my redden arm. Oh My! The pain make me uncomfortable. I gazed at the door. Mommy will lecture me if she detect this. I stashed my arm under the sleeve again and the scratchy back. Uh, I hate this.
Ouch, that's can't be nice to have at all, oh dear...well this is off to a terrible start right away for out protagonist here.
I stood facing the mirror. My eyes caught a silhouette, my reflection. I spotted fire in my eyes instead of a calm, ocean blue color. My blood boiling and the scratching echo in the room. I glared at the wooden table, a few lines of claw formed.
Oooh, well that seems to building towards a very tense climax there, it looks like an explosion is just starting to bubble here within our protagonist.
I abhor my life. Why did daddy built a grand tent? Mommy said the idea was wonderful and agreed to domesticate some monkeys. They tutored those creature and soon, the monkeys could dangled around the tent using a swing. The Moon Brothers-the monkeys group name- received lots of attention. What was so wondrous about them?
Okay...looks like we're taking a slight detour to look at an origin story of some sort here...well that's an interesting move to make there, wonder what's that's going to end up doing here.
A few months later, a troop of teenagers gathered to my father, asking if he lack of performers. Daddy, who wished to retire from his clown act, welcomed them with a pleasant expression on his face. They made the show interesting by bringing in a trained elephant and gave it the stage name, Eli.
Hmm...well we're definitely getting deep into the backstory here, it is definitely quite interesting but not gonna lie it is definitely interfering quite a bit with the overall flow there...cause the start was very fast paced and looked like it was going to be rather intense, now its just slowed down a lot more here.
Soon, our circus was notorious. Some other animal invaded and the outstanding one is Alex The Lion. He was as huge as a motorbike. I love Alex. But not with the spectators. The kids squealed and the parents observed Alex with a careful stare, each hand protecting their children. They were stupid. Of course Daddy bought a harmless lion. Why would he reserve a lion that eats human? We’re the first prey then.
Hmm...well...the backstory of the development of this circus here is definitely pretty well thought out here.
And the hilarious one, a neon light face guy who did dumb things to make people laugh. He jumped and pretended to die. The viewers enjoyed and chuckles engulfed the tent. What happen if he really die in the show and people giggle at him. He should think of the consequence.
Okay...well that got dark there at the end there....not a great mindset there.
I glimpsed at my figure. Sky blue circles were tinted around my eyes. A big red ball is rooted on my nose and my mouth painted like the joker. Hideous and ridiculous. I hung my head and one piece blue and red strip cloth arched my body as my feet hurled in the leaf like shoes. On my head, rested a big curly blue wig.
Well...that's a neat reveal there to show that she is in fact the clown of the circus and she clearly doesn't seem to like being one...and well...that can't be a great combination, the one supposed to make people laugh hates their job.
I gazed at myself. Daddy was dull. This outfit was foolish. Everything here was silly. How could he do this to me? He should ask someone else. Not me. Have you seen a 13 year old clown before? Yes? No, right.
Here I am, being the only 13 years old clown girl.
Well, a real sense of hopelessness and just sadness mixed into that one there...well, that's quite an ending that you got on there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall...a pretty neat little story you have here. It needs just a bit more ironing here and it could be even better here. Well anyway that's about all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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