Published December 5, 2012
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141,396 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I like this! I really feel the emotion in this and I guess I am able to relate to it too, at least to a certain level.
from the second to third line, there is some 'offness' with the rythm, but otherwise it flows rather well
The last couplet also made a pretty strong impact which helped to bring out the emotion a lot more strongly.
The feeling of being oppressed could be developed further however, I'm not really feeling it very strongly with this. I really liked the contrast you put up between expectations and reality, which gives a glimpse into the pressure that is faced by the persona.
Overall, I thought it was good! The actual point is a simple one, but it's clearly shown.
Never stop writing.
-Binder
"Instead I pass the sugar and smile."
I'm feeling this one. You've done a good job and made your point very clearly. Besides, I like poems that fit completely in my view at one look. *likes*
P.S : I wrote a similiar poem sometime ago: work.php?id=98100 What a fun coincidence, it's got bow ties in it too