Broken Ripples

Hi bluebird 567ajt here, about to review this poem of yours. I must add, I think your avatar is cute

So, where's the comments on this piece? That's my concern, that this piece hasn't received a review on it at all! I think it's a really good piece, generally. I think it could be a little bit longer, but I just really like it.

Let's take this step by step.

"In a costume of white trimming and rippling fabric,
Dancing to the rhythmic beat of thunder across an ashen set"

The language you use is superb. I love the use of the word "ashen". I also really like the connotations of innocence through the use of white. So far, I really am keen to read on, which is a definite pro of your poem.

"A ballet of chaotic magnificence takes place
A dancer arching her back, leaping upward,"

This. Is. Awesome. Sorry, I'm fangirling hard at this XD I just love your use of language! The way you use your words is so, so nice. I love the idea of this dancer being followed along by her partner. Everything about it is really beautiful and poetic, and the flow of your piece is a massive strength.

"Throwing herself at the mercy of the stoic observers,
Faces craggy, grey and impenetrable"

The use of "throwing herself" shows she is desperate for attention. The "observers" must be her audience. The audience seem very, very awkward and afraid. Maybe the dancer is getting too involved in her performance. This reminds me of the film Black Swan, in which the protagonist gets involved in her role. The faces could also be in her mind, and she is just practicing.

"They break her costume, it sprays their cheeks
She recedes into the ancient backdrop, defeated"

She is being used. She isn't a dancer, really, and is deeply affected by the role she has been given.

"Each dancer takes their turn, leaping with conviction
Each dancer is broken, withdrawing in time with the din"

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I apologise for my fangirl and unhelpful review. I just loved the poem.