z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone Language

Chapter 1

by bloodyrose29


Jenny POV

Panay ang tipa ko sa keyboard sa dami ng nirereplayan sa chatroom, buhay na buhay parin ang diwa ko at hindi pa dinadapuan ng antok sa itaas n bahagi ng keyboard ko nakalagay ang cellphone ko para madali kong mapansin kung may message akong matatangap sa kalagitnaan ng pakikipagchat ko sa isang chatroom na napasok ko kani-kanina lang isang message ang natanagap ko galing kay Angelie.

From: Angelie

5 signs ng pagiging single:

1. Malakas kumain

2. Laging online

3. Gm ng GM

4. Tulog sa umaga, gising sa gabi

5. Gala ng gala

Well I can say GUILTY!!! Hahaha, reply ko kay angelie pero isang buntong hininga ang pinakawalan. Yup single ako pero ok lang wala naman akong magagawa kung hindi ako pansinin tulad ng mga kaibigan ko. Di ko maiwasang malungkot tuwing iisip ko ang bagay na ito hindi ko rin maikakaila ang taglay na kagandahan ng mga kaibigan ko sa hamak na tulad ko. Hindi alam ng mga kaibigan ko na mayroon akong tinatago na insecurities. No doubt I love my friends and I care for them di ko lang maiwasang malungkot tuwing naiisip ko un.

<>

Isang tunog mula sa computer ko ang nag-alis pagpagkatulala ko, tunog na senyales nakatangap ako ng isang private message. Binalik ko ang atensyon ko sa computer para tingnan ang ngpop-up na message

From: Aarush

Hi wanna Chat?

ASL?, Reply ko sa kanya

35, M, India.

Sinara ko na ang window ng chat niya at hindi na nagreply. Hindi man beterano pag dating sa chat pero alam ko na ang pupuntahan ng mga ganyan chat. Sa dami na ng nakachat ko iba ibang lahi alam ko na kung ano ang common sa kanila mga lalaking naghahanap ng papatol sa kanila para makaraos sila. Hindi na ako innocente sa mga bagay na ito pero wala akong balak patulan sila dahil hindi ko trip at nilalaan ko ang sarili ko sa taong mahal ko at walang ibang makakakita nito kundi siya lang HMP!.

Naniniwala parin ako sa true love na makikita ko rin soon. Tulad ng sa tita ko nakakilala sila ng asawa niya sa chat pero kahit ganon pa man nakikita ko sa mga mata ng tito ko kung gaano niya kamahal ang tita ko sana ako rin.

1:00 am na ng pumasok ako sa isang chatroom kung saan member ako ng BLACKLISTED clan

MMB16(metro manila barka 16)

~~ JenLovQ2~~ user name para di n makilala my mga rules daw kasi ang mga clan hindi pwdeng gamitin sa labas ng chat room

As always dami ng OL dami din ngwelcome

Cross: >:D< webeee crush gandang gabi

Ms. Faith : Webee >:D< sis ur here na

Red: Webee >:D< JenLovQ2

JenLovQ2: >:D< thanks sa webie!

At marami pang ngwelcome sakin ditto ramdam ko medjo sikat ako at nakikilala na ako sa mga bago at hindi ako kilala madalas nagpiPm pag andito ako sa MMB16 di ako nageentertain ng kahit anong Private message. Maliban na lang kay kuya cross. Minsan namn pagtrip ko ngreresponse ako pero hindi ako gumagamit ng webcam, may ilan na nagagalit keso ayaw ko daw mgpakita siguro daw mapagpangap na bakla lang daw ako at iaannounce pa sa chatroom good thing I have friends here sila ang rumeresback kasama na si kuya Cross siya ang taga block sa account nila. I only show my self to limited person only my iba sinusuwerte nakikita ako due to my lack of self confidence di ako nagpapakita.

Gabi gabi ganito na Gawain ko mula ng narecruit ako dito ni kuya jam mas naging masaya ang net life ko di ko na feel ang pagiging single at loner ko...


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
560 Reviews


Points: 30438
Reviews: 560

Donate
Sun May 31, 2020 2:28 pm
Tenyo wrote a review...



Hey Bloodyrose29!

Forgive me, I'm going to have to reply in English because I know very little of Hindi.

In terms of plot I think this is a really good first chapter. Not every story has to jump straight into action. The thing I like about this is that it's very modern in the way it's told. You don't shy away from online culture, and the open and honest reflections of the conversations is really nice. I feel like it's an aspect of modern literature that we're still learning how to describe and portray online interactions in a meaningful way, and you've done this well.

It may not have an immediate hook, but there are still enough intrigue in Jenny's life to make me want to read more. The relationship between her and Angelie is really nice, it seems like they could talk to each other about anything. Jenny's brother on the other hand, I'm curious about him because I feel like as the story develops he could turn either way, she seems so hesitant with him and I wonder if it's because of her own insecurities or because there is something scary about him.

I'm really curious about where this goes! Jenny seems young, and whilst her interactions online seem pretty harmless, I suspect she's going to end up getting into trouble because of them, especially if she's talking to much older guys.

Let me know if you post up the next chapter =]




User avatar
31 Reviews


Points: 396
Reviews: 31

Donate
Sun May 31, 2020 8:11 am
Tanishka says...



Hi Bloody rose!

It felt like Hindi but I couldn't understand it much , even though I know Hindi. I wanted to review this but sorry , I don't understand it . I would advice you to correct your spelling even if it is in Hindi.




User avatar
25 Reviews


Points: 1353
Reviews: 25

Donate
Sun May 31, 2020 1:36 am
KahleneTenorio wrote a review...



Hi, this is Kahlene! I saw this was in the Green Room so I thought I'd give this a review!

Hmmm, well this seems to be in another language or, this is gibberish. I can't really review this if I don't completely understand what I should be reviewing... Though I do not know what is happening I shall still continue to review for today is Review Day!!!

Alright, there are a lot of misspelled words. You should reread and make sure there are no errors. Misspelling words can cause a reader, like so, to not understand what you are writing, it can also bug the reader by trying to decipher what you wrote. This is very frustrating, so I hope you can either translate so all can understand or correct the errors (don't know if this is another language or just spelling errors)

I can see words that I do understand, also there are names. So I am guessing there is dialogue. If a character is speaking you should add quotation marks, so the readers know who is talking and when.

Anyway, I hope you fix the errors so I can understand what is happening here and give you an actual review. I hope you have a good day!




JesseWrites says...


@KahleneTenorio I think it's Hindu, but idk.





It may be! I should go google translate, HAHAHA I will write a review to this!



Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Thu May 28, 2020 3:49 pm
bloodyrose29 says...





Random avatar
bloodyrose29 says...


Sorry? what do you mean?




You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author