Cinderella was a little girl when her father died and left her in the
care of her horrible stepmother and her two cold-hearted, vain
daughters.
Cinderella was forced to work, a bit like a slave. She slept in front of
the unlit fire or under a threadbare blanket in the cellar. She spent
her days dusting, mopping, washing her stepsisters' dresses and
polishing her stepmother's huge, ugly shoes. At night she cooked dinner
and helped her 'family' get ready for the various elaborate outings they
went on; she, of course, was never allowed to go along. The only time
she saw the outside world was when she took the rubbish down the road to
the dumpster.
One day, a letter from the prince came. It was an invitation to a ball
at which he would decide which fortunate young woman would be his bride.
Cinderella begged to go but her stepmother scoffed and said, "A lowly
girl like you would ever be chosen as the Prince's bride; there is no
point in you going. Besides, you haven't finished your chores."
That night, after her stepmother and stepsisters has left for the ball,
Cinderella curled up in front of the fireplace and cried her eyes out.
A high, melodious voice said, "Child, would you like to go to this ball?"
Cinderella looked up and saw a tiny little old woman with wings and a
wand hovering in front of her. She fainted from the shock of seeing a
old woman the size of a thimble hovering in mid-air. When she finally
woke up again the old lady repeated her question and Cinderella answered
with a timid, "Yes."
The old lady nodded her head and waved her wand. Once Cinderella's rags
had been transformed into a beautiful ice blue ball gown and her skin
and her washed, the old woman sent her off in a car with the warning to
be back by midnight.
Cinderella spent the whole evening twirling in the prince's arms and she had never felt more alive.
When the clock struck midnight Cinderella fled the ballroom and one her
way down the stairs and a single glass slipper fell off her delicate
foot and stayed behind as she ran for the car.
The next day the prince found the slipper and recognized it as the one
Cinderella had worn the night before. He declared, "The maiden who this
shoe fits will be my bride," and without further ado he and two guards
got into a car and traveled the kingdom, going from house to house, girl
to girl. Finally, as they were starting to lose hope they came to the
house where Cinderella resided.
When the prince announced his purpose Cinderella's stepmother sent for
the two sisters, of course, she did not mention Cinderella.
The sisters tried the shoe on and it fit neither of them.
"Oh please, madam, do you have another maiden in this house, for this is the last house we are looking in?" begged the prince.
Just then, Cinderella came flying down the stairs, dusting as she went
and was about to go into the kitchen when she stopped cold and turned
around, having noticed the prince.
"U...um, I'm sorry, your majesty," she said quietly.
"Try on this shoe," said the prince.
Cinderella looked surprised but obliged to try on the shoe she had worn to the ball. It was a perfect fit.
"How!" exclaimed the stepmother, "I forbade you from going to that ball,
Cinderella, you are but a lowly girl suited only to do chores,
certainly not suited to marrying a prince!"
The prince looked at her in disgust. "I refuse to marry a lowly servant
girl covered in dirt, no matter whether the shoe fits! I would not wish
to deprive the family of the honor of being part of the royal family,
though, so I shall marry the older stepsister, Griselda. Cinderella,
return to your cleaning," he said with indignation.
"Yes, your majesty," said Cinderella with her head bowed.
And so, Griselda married the prince and the family lived in luxury-
apart from Cinderella of course, she spent the rest of her days like the
ones she had before: dirty, malnourished, over-worked and doing
'chores'.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Lol, I'm not sure how to review this. It's great and I feel retarded for laughing at the ending. poor Cinderella
Thank you!
A good start. I think you really could expand the story, especially the ending. It seems like the beginning of the story, and into the middle it was the "sterotypical" Cinderella love story, so my interest was down a little bit by the time I got the the "twist" at the end. If you throw more things in the first half of the story to keep us more interesting throughout the story when we get to the end it would have been more enjoyable. It could have been really funny, and while I found it pretty humorous I think there is a lot of work today. Don't just say that the Prince chose the other step-sister. Explain why more. Go into more details and continue. If you need help let me know, I think it is a good start and I think there is a lot more to do!
-americanidol82
Yeah, this is sort of a skeleton... I plan on taking it down this weekend for major editing and then putting it back up! Thank you for the recommendation!
Hello!
That ending could've been funny, but I felt that it was a little lack luster, and I think that's thanks to the description and the opening. We all knew it was going to end with her being rejected, so I think it didn't impact us as much.
Come on, if you're going to ask "What if they didn't marry?", you should be giving us a full blown retelling, not just a short little snippet. Write a whole story for this idea, including what happens after the rejection, give her a different love interest, make the fairy godmother and the dress and everything a hallucination, do SOMETHING! Come on! I think this has the potential to make a really good, detailed, interesting story... if you take the time to write it. Still, very good job for trying to cram it into one chapter for a short story.
Keep writing!
Thank you! That's an interesting idea... I already plan on rewriting this without the beginning and including some more details but maybe I'll do that too, or maybe I'll do it with another fairytale...
Just trying to help!
If you want to do it with a different tale, I suggest Beauty and the Beast or Robin Hood. They'd be pretty good to do this with.
Yeah, Beauty and the Beast is on my list
You should definitely do a full story for it!
Okay!
Hahahaha! I found the end pretty hilarious if you ask me! Oh and by the way, I just happened to be reviewing your story, because the title grabbed my attention. So I just wanted to say, very impressive!
))
I like the description in the whole entire story and how it actually describes everything she did. Also, awesometastic work on the title! I'm sure tons and tons of people would love to see your story and do a review!
Just one thing that kind of confused me is "and her skin and her washed." I'm sorry that I didn't get it (sorry for myself.)
But actually, you have noting to worry about! Your beginning is fantastic and very catchy and attractive. I'm gonna follow you, so can you follow me?(trying not be greedy or anything!) Thanks!
Very awesome!!!!
Thank you very much! And sure.
I thought It was sad! Poor Cinderella, a slave in her own home, and then watches the man she loves, marry her evil, cold hearted step sister.
I personally like happy endings. Just changing the ending of Cinderella's story, to where she suffers, and say this way makes it "mine own, and modern." Is not all that you just have to do. To me it sounded more of a summery of the original, with a different ending. Sorry if I am being to critical, I am sensitive to all of the princess movies. I grew up watching and reading every single one of them.
Anyway, I have nothing against you rewriting Cinderella. By all means go ahead. There have been hundreds of books, and movies based off of Cinderella. I have a weakness anything Cinderella so when I saw your title, I could not help but give it a look. It caught by surprise that she didn't get her "happily ever after." It still needs some major work, but it sounds like a lot of from to wright something like this! Keep it up, and I defiantly will check out your other princess remixes! If that is you will wright some more.
I love them too! I will write some more, I'm going to do the Little Mermaid next. You have anything you want to see? I wasn't trying to make it modern... I actually have a few things I need to fix to make that clear. It is a bit of a summary right now. I plan on making it longer and fleshing it out eventually! It is sad, isn't it!
I love this. This is something I would enjoy reading time and time again, the ending was perfect, not a happily ever after story. You should do more with other fairy tales.
Thank you! I might.... does one about Beauty and the Beast sound good? Are there any fairytales you would like to see?
little mermaid most definitely!!!
Okay! I'll see what I can do
Hi,
I love Cinderella, and I love fairytale retellings that turn an established story on its head, so I was really excited to see and read this story. The idea that Cinderella wouldn't end up with her happily ever after is a really intriguing idea and something that I hadn't considered before. Is it also supposed to be in modern day? I was a little confused. Anyway, I think you've got a really good foundation for future revisions.
Right now, there isn't much to this story other than "Cinderella doesn't get her happy ending, the end". The problem with that is that we don't understand the reason for it, the ramifications, or what it does to the story of Cinderella. You're the author, and the power is in your hands to do whatever you want with it, and make it into something unique and memorable. So, I feel like this could even be longer. Why does the Prince want to marry the stepsister? How does Cinderella feel about it? All interesting things to explore.
I hope this helps you! Feel free to contact if you have any questions!
Interesting idea.... I will eventually (like, in a week) go back and revise this- I'll definitely keep your questions in mind... It wasn't actually supposed to be in modern times although some things do suggest that...I better fix that! Thank you for pointing it out!
I really, really love the idea of this story. (In fact, re-Writings of known stories have Always both amused and intressted me) I also think that this ending is both realistic and funny, as the reader already knows what should happen in the original tale. However, there is one thing that your story lacks; details!!! the story at times feels more like a sceleton of a story than an actual one. I can see that you have a lot of talent, and I think if you can add some details to your writing you can become a great author. Good luck in the future!!! (p.s: I noticed you missed a hair in one Place, but i make these kinds of mistakes all the time... As far as i could see, the rest was correct.
)
Thank you! Yes, I probably should fill it out a bit more
What do you mean by 'missed a hair'? Thank you for the encouragement and the wonderful compliment, it really gave me a good start to the day!
I definitely agree that this would've actually happened. Except in real real life, there with be no fairy god mother. Therefore, ~ her life would be way worse~
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#!#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But anyway, the transition between the first paragraph and the story wasn't as good as it could be. The first paragraph should probably be the last. Just to make the story more exciting and unpredictable. And to give it a good ending.
But a pretty good twist of an ending!
That's a good idea! I'll keep it in mind for when I'm editing later
Hello there, bloodybelle01!
So this was definitely a very interesting story. Kind of like those 'fairy-tales for adults' type of stories. Of course, this was much more nicer if I may. The story read like the summary of a book, although I realize that it might have been inevitable to push things into a short story. In that case, I applaud you, nicely done. Although this story was very well-written, I would like to point a few things out.
First of all, at the beginning of this story you said,
'You know how fairy tales always have happily ever afters? Well, real life doesn't. What if the Prince didn't marry Cinderella?'
This is a huge spoiler, and this also means that the readers are going to know the ending of the story even before they read it. This would cause a majority of your readers to skip through a lot of the story, since they just want to get to the part that they know is going to occur and be done with it. Sorry if that sounded harsh, but that's what I thought of it.
Secondly, character development. Yes, yes, I know that this is really hard to do in such a short story, but for future references, I had to mention it.
'Cinderella was a little girl when her father died and left her in the care of her horrible stepmother and her two cold-hearted, vain daughters.'
This is direct characterization. You're just telling the readers of all the character traits of the stepmother and step-sisters. In a longer story, you might want to develop those traits over time. I apologize if this is already something you're aware of, and in that case, you don't have to listen to what I said about the characterization.
One last thing that I really liked about the story.
'The prince looked at her in disgust. "I refuse to marry a lowly servant girl covered in dirt, no matter whether the shoe fits!...'
I actually laughed when I read that paragraph, because it was so realistic. Personally I despise the happy endings that Disney puts out there in their movies, although the movie ideas are very creative in some ways. I spend all my time imagining what the movies would have been like in real life.
Thank you for putting your story out on this website!
Keep on writing, Mephis
It didn't sound harsh
Others have also pointed that out... I originally wrote this for a competition and we had to mention that, but now that I can change it, I should definitely move that!
I'm glad that you liked my ending! And you're very welcome- I'm glad I put my story here too (and glad that you decided to read it, too) 
The characterization is a good point, as I fill and develop this story, I will definitely grow the characters