Published June 12, 2011
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
so, bare with me, i'm not so good at short poems, pleas, rip it apart 
Hey:)
is too long compared to the line before, it seems awkward. Also, maybe replace the "this monster" with "the monster"? Just a thought. Honestly, I like this, I've written a million of these eerie poems, but yours are very passionate. Keep up the good work!I like this - simple, but emotional. I see that you've already erased the forced rhyme, it became better now, though the last line with the
nice! i love the first two lines "the tears fall from my face, I've fallen from grace" but u maybe shouldve made it "I have fallen from grace" to make the flow a lil better, but other than that i like it alot!! its eerie, and thats what i love about it. i would've liked it to be longer tho, but thats just me.
Ooh. Shivery. I have a few critiques for you.
This was a really good poem. Normally something like suicide is seen as incredibly cliche, but it almost doesn't seem like that in this one. Probably because it never actually says suicide. If you hadn't 'spoiled' it for me, I probably wouldn't even have seen it that way. This poem has layers of meaning that can be interpreted so many ways I would recommend removing your second spoiler altogether and let the reader figure things out on their own. Awesome.