Published June 16, 2010
when i look at you i hurt
the pain wont go away
but neither will you
i try everything to stay away
but i Always end up back next to you
Mod: Please no caps in titles.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,910 Literary Works • 673,728 Reviews
Im sorry, but in my time on YWS, this is possibly the least gripping or intresting poem i've read. It looks like it took you a minute or two to write it :/
Also, you kinda commited a poem sin, by calling it Untitled. So many people have done this, to try and make it look individual, but your totally doing the opposite.
Next time you go out to write a poem, actually THINK about it. Listen to the sounds of the words, the rhythm of the stanza. Its not just about the rhymes, nor is it to be individual.
Nova
Hello...
Honestly, I don't know what you were thinking when you wrote this (actually, I do, and I'm not that keen on how it turned out). For one, where's the punctuation? There's nothing but fluff here--there's no beef to this little poem. And, admittingly, it all comes off a bit cliched. These phrases have been said before many times, making this piece even more unbearable for me to read. Where's the creativity? The spark? The charm?
Sorry if I sound bitter, but this piece needs to be heavily edited before anyone could ever enjoy it.
This piece honestly does nothing for the reader. First of all, you should never call your work Untitled.
Secondly, it's obvious that you wrote this within a time frame of less than five minutes. You used the same words a lot, put no punctuation in it, and it makes me feel nothing, really.