Days like this, I’m lost in a sea of thoughts.
Drifting unable to see land, the future.
Mindlessly paddling not knowing where to go.
Each stroke flashing a memory of my past.
Laughter, tears, every emotion bubbling to the surface.
Eventually, I stop paddling.
Laying flat, eyes closed on the wood listening, searching.
Is this what the calm before the storm is?
When I open my eyes, the world has gone grey.
The memories drifting away in the breeze.
I’ve hit shore.
Unsure of where to go, I cautiously step out.
A weight lifts off my shoulders.
I made a decision without realizing.
Looking out to sea wishing to bring back that color.
But taking in every breath.
I am alive.
Moving slowly with the motions learning the ways of everyone else.
Losing myself in a sea of people who don’t know me.
The earth beautiful around me.
But not able to see an inch of it.
Stumbling on my decisions.
Falling down on the pavement.
Deeper and deeper away from reality.
Unable to stand this time, I crouch on my hands and knees.
Shallow breathing.
I hear footsteps from far away.
Not looking up knowing they’ll walk away drifting like the others.
But they don’t.
A bright yellow light beams off the shoes that stopped in front of me.
I start to look up as their elegant hand reaches out to me.
My eyes fall upon his breathless smile and rich brown eyes.
I’ve never seen someone so risky, breaking away from the others.
Unsure of what to do, say.
He reaches down farther delicately grasping onto my hands.
He lifts me unfazed with his sturdy muscled arms.
All I can do is stare in awe as he surely pulls me towards the water.
Not the ocean but a waterfall with a crystal white lake beneath.
He lifts me up into his arms and steps into the water.
Deeper and deeper he goes until we’re both submerged.
He grazes my cheek with his callused fingers.
I feel something tingle in the back of my brain.
A memory.
Unable to see the pictures clearly.
I know him.
Gazing into his eyes searching for more.
His smile drawing me in, getting lost.
I feel his lips graze my ear as he whispers, “I love you”.
I look at him in confusion not knowing the words.
How did I hear you speak in a world of silence?
He smiles distantly as he pulls away, further and further into the deep waters.
Unable to breathe, I break through the surface.
Opening my eyes I see a burst of bright light.
Colors splashing over the world like the canvas of an artist.
I feel everything all at once.
A love just out of reach.
Yet so beautiful all at once.
With each step, I spread more brightness just as he had.
Touching the souls of every person I pass.
A ray of sunshine in their eyes.
I am set free.
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