Designed by a greater breather who breathes better than me I find that being is made. Because being is made I am thus, here for a moment to turn to dust. Yet, I am. Yet, I have become something of the extraordinary because I became.
BLAH8INK
Loved the poem start to finish on a line by line basis, but not entirely sure what it all adds up to? I would love to see this fleshed out a little more.
Sounds beautiful, but looks unappealing, as if it were a few hastily written lines. You might get more reactions with a more traditional poetry format.
Hi! I hope you are having a really nice day! I really enjoyed reading your lyrics. You are a lovely writer, so thank you so much for sharing!
I’m not sure what your intentions were behind the lyrics, but I was definitely able to connect to it in my own personal way. That’s one thing you did very well, you provide a way for everyone to connect the the lyrics. The meaning begins them coy,d be different for every single person who reads them.
I love your choice of words. The repetition helps it a lot and helps it flow a lot more smoothly. Thank you so much for sharing your work! I would love to read and review more if ever want me to. I hope that you keep writing! Have a wonderful day and Merry Christmas and happy new year!
Sincerely, Ailah.
Heya! I'm penn, and welcome! You're bound to have some fun times here.
And, I'll be honest here, I have no idea what's going on. And I like that, strangely enough. It is very confusing to read, so like Horisun said, separating the lines into stanzas would work wonders for understanding it better.
That being said, while I have no way of understanding this piece myself, I really like the way it's worded. It's a very interesting poem, one that almost reads like an expressionist piece, or something that is very alike an abstract painting. Of course, if that wasn't what you were going for, then you can ignore me on that front.
In short, fun read, would read again! A thumbs up!
Hello there! Welcome to they Young Writers Society! I hope you love it just as much as I have!
I just wanna say, there are some really interesting lines here. One that really caught my eye was "Here for a moment to turn to dust" That was incredible.
However, I would like to comment that this might work better as a short poem. I had to reread it a couple times to catch the full meaning. Try separating it into stanzas, and see how it looks!
Other than that, this was considerably short, so with nothing else to comment on, I'll see you next time! Keep on writing, and have a fantastic day!
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