Loveis a package

You know, this poem has such a lovely theme. I really want to dig my fingers into it and change it up!!! But it is your poem, and your work.. I can't do anything now other than tell you how to fix it... But I really just want to go "Here, let me rewrite it, viola!" because I love the theme you have.

Perhaps I should do a stanza par stanza edit? hmmm

Love is a package received by all
Miss one step you take the fall
Love can heal
love can hurt
Love can come and go like flirts

The first line is great, the second one, not so much. I miss its context to the over all idea. But the rhyme was good (all/fall) though I did not like the rhyme at the end (hurt/flirts). I also didn't like the break in pattern... you had two long lines, then two short lines, then another long line. Make up your mind!

The package is delievered upon yoru very door
You open it up,
and it will knock you to the floor.
it will fill up your room and leak under the door.
Love is very hard to store

Line one: "upon your very door" is awkward. perhaps "The package is delivered to your door"
Line three: Didn't like this one much either. You wanted to rhyme badly, but the line itself is weak to the theme. In the next line, you reused "door" which I didn't like. The last line I like the most, but I think the line needs one more syllable.. I'm just not sure how to get it in.

Yet some people
are hasty and mean
hide away their love
and try to keep it clean
no one else gets to touch it
That's their say
"love is a package,
I won't open it today."

Here is where you need to work up on punctuation. it needs more! I loved this stanza the most, though change the last bit to "Love is a package that I won't open today" I think I like it like that better? You decide.

I'd really like to see this edited! I loved the ideas behind it, though it really needed to be cleaned up... (Still, I want to dig my fingers in and...)

Here is an article I wrote on punctuating poetry, see if it helps you at all. Poetry & Punctuation hope it helps!