Published November 30, 2007
Mesmerized by the thick blanket of snow
Blowing air on a frosted piece of glass
Everybody becomes friends and not foe
Building snowmen that hope to come alive
Placing ornaments on a Christmas tree
Together we both share some hot cocoa
Racing downhill with a tube or a ski
Being bad for Santa is a no, no
Heating up by a blazing hot fire
Putting extra blankets on the cold beds
Kids out throwing snowballs at their friends
Lovers are more heated up in the cold
This time is to be sweet and not bitter
Forget summer, and enjoy the winter.
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140,921 Literary Works • 673,737 Reviews
I like this allot. I don't know why, I somewhat fond this childish, though.
Oh! I LOVE the last line. Genius!
Keep on writing!
-- M.B.Author
I loved this!
It was so much better than your 'Another School day' poem--the rhyming here doesn't seem forced, and it's just, as Motherflippinflapjacks said, unique.
Well, MFFJ (Motherflippinflapjacks) already pointed out the things I noticed, so...yeah.
This was excellent!
Keep writing,
Ayra
I think the rhyme scheme you chose for this sonnet is unique. I usually see the abba abba aabbcc, but this is different. I like that.
As for the whole thing, it kind of goes all over the place. I know it's difficult to write a sonnet and have certain lines rhyme and for it to flow well, not to mention to get good imagery. But those things are especially important when writing a sonnet. I suggest taking a few lines that you really like and build off of those for your rhyme scheme. For example, you could spend four lines writing about building a snow man using imagery and rhyme. Then spend the next four lines talking about staying warm by the fire. The last 6 lines could be you comparing summer and winter (of course using few examples) and then keep your current last line. I think something like that might bring the piece together a little more. Of course, you don't have to do it. It's only a suggestion.
I hope that helped. If you have any questions, just pm me!