Oceans Rise

by blackstorm
  • November 3, 2007
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

As I stand, rooted to the floor
I feel great oceans of water
begin to rise up in me.
It rushes forth as I see your form
slowly drifting away
into the darkness.

Comments & reviews · 3
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sleuthchick
Comment
sleuthchick commented · Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:15 pm

I enjoyed your poem. It was short but very good. Keep on writing.

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Someguy
Comment
Someguy commented · Sat Nov 03, 2007 9:02 am

A bit short but very nice.
You could add a few extra lines you know, so that it makes a better picture of what you really want to say.

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Wolf
Review
Wolf wrote a review · Sat Nov 03, 2007 2:07 am

It's short but sweet :D
Since I am no expert at poetry, I have nothing constructive to say...:oops:
But I really liked this line:
It rushes forth as I see your form
For some reason, it reminds me of a small, silver waterfall. And I like the way it sounds.
Congrats and good job,
Ayra



When a body moves, it's the most revealing thing. Dance for me a minute, and I'll tell you who you are.
— Mikhail Baryshnikov