ran....

by blackscar
  • March 6, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

nothing works if it remains in words thus poets live,love only in words..
there is no step taken only words uttered but i am setting the pace...
i am speeding and i can not see any of you....come...ran...

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
eldEr
Comment
eldEr commented · Sun Apr 18, 2010 3:03 pm

Hey!! I really loved this!! Nicely done!

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Jasmine Hart
Review
Jasmine Hart wrote a review · Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:00 pm

Hi,

welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.

This flows really nicely.

I'd put a comma after "words" and "love". I'd change "step taken" because it's a little stale. I'd change "ran" to run".

I'd also try to bring this outside the poet by using more imagery and referring to the readers.

Hope this helps.

Jas



Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill