The sky caught fire as the sun sank into the trees.
That’s all there ever is around here, trees. They are all so tall and quiet, Kirthin thought. From the giant oak to the majestic yew... They are so reassuring...
As he thought about this the sun dipped lower, dyeing the wispy and wooly clouds a brilliant shade of magenta. Soon the moon would rule the sky with her star sisters and another long day would come to an end. Kirthin sighed and lay back on the soft grass.
He was to start training tomorrow. Every male in Mahamiko went through the combat training at the age of seventeen, for the Mahamikans believed that is when a boy became a man, and a man has to know how to defend himself and his loved ones. But Kirthin wasn’t going through the ordinary training. Kirthin was no ordinary boy.
At birth, Kirthin was found with a Sigil. This is the mark that any being with magic in their veins running up their arm. It showed others that he was magi. Every magi’s Sigil is different. Kirthin’s is a long, snakelike dragon, with the head, open mouthed in an enormous roar, spread across his palm and the body twisting magnificently around his arm and ending in a long spiked tail at his shoulder. The whole image was rough looking and jagged, and resembled a huge scar, or and intricate tattoo.
The sun was gone now. The moon began to peek out from the crowns of the trees, and the first few stars twinkled like diamonds on the gray canvas of dusk. It was time to go. Kirthin needed to get a good night’s sleep before the big day tomorrow.
As if I’ll get any sleep tonight, thought Kirthin. I’m too excited.
He was a tad bit worried, as well, as anyone is when they get excited about something. He worried that he hadn’t spent enough time reading over the scrolls of magic from the village library. He worried that he might never get the hang of magic. He also worried about his teacher. It was the talk of the village, that, apparently Tenkit, the headmaster of the school of magi in Mahamiko, had seen great potential in Kirthin, and was taking him under his wing as his personal student.
He walked back to the village as he worried about these things. He was about to enter is home when a friendly voice broke him from his worries.
“Kirthin! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I have great news!”
It was Searle, Kirthin’s closest friend ever since they both were very small. Kirthin smiled at Searle’s enthusiasm despite himself.
“Evening stranger! Have we met?” Kirthin said, bowing comically.
“Don’t try my patience boy! I have something extremely important I have to tell you!” Searle said in mock imitation of Tenkit’s strict attitude.
“I insist, good sir, I don’t think I know you. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?” Kirthin enjoyed tormenting Searle. He could see Searle’s anxiety in his pale blue eyes. This was pure torture to him.
“Kirthin! Seriously, now! Stop joking around!” But Kirthin wasn’t done yet.
“No tea, then? Well, it's quite late, I think I’ll hit the hay, if you know what I mean...” Kirthin pretended to turn away into his house.
“Argh!!” Searle launched himself at Kirthin and put him in a headlock. Searle was always stronger than Kirthin was. He knew Kirthin hated his long, raven black hair rumpled and proceeded to do so.
“Ok, ok! Stop! I give in! My memory has suddenly returned to me!” Kirthin pleaded. Searle released him.
“Alright, here’s what I need to tell you: I’ve just been accepted into the Academy!” Searle said excitedly, waiting impatiently for Kirthin’s response. The Academy were like the “special forces” of Mahamiko. They were the elite, the top quality soldiers. They called themselves the Red Dawn.
“Great, Searle! That’s amazing!” the two friends embraced for a moment. Kirthin realized something that made his heart sink. “But, you do realize what this means, right?”
“Yes. I... understand, that... we may not see each other again, after tomorrow,” Searle said slowly. They stood for what seemed a long time, a sad, silent conversation going on between their eyes. They embraced for the last time in a long while, said their farewells, and went their separate ways. It was like losing a brother to Kirthin, but it was better this than hear his friend had been slain in battle.
Farewell, Searle, my brother. Even if I never see you again, you will be remembered.
But now, we must both look to the horizon. Tomorrow is a new day.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you like it! Chapter II: New Horizons coming soon!
Hey, I have a question. Did you purposely name the "Special Forces" after the popular USA Propaganda film Red Dawn? I also feel that, like in the real military system, you should have him be accepted into a normal army unit before he goes into the Elite. it just feels sorta jumpy. Other than that... Like the fellows above me the conversation was very smooth and realistic. I loved it, will be watching.
Deifyance
Hi, blackpencil, I'll be your reviewer for today. Be warned that I get very nitpicky with my reviews; I'm not being harsh, just trying to help you produce the best writing you can. 
The sky caught fire as the sun sank into the trees.
That’s all there ever is around here, trees. They are all so tall and quiet, Kirthin thought. From the giant oak to the majestic yew... They are so reassuring...
As he thought about this the sun dipped lower
Kirthin sighed and lay back on the soft grass.
He was to start training tomorrow. Every male in Mahamiko went through the combat training at the age of seventeen, for the Mahamikans believed that is when a boy became a man, and a man has to know how to defend himself and his loved ones.
I'd suggest having Kirthin worried about becoming a man tomorrow, thinking about how nervous he is about training and such. Including your characters' specific reactions to the information would help the story flow more naturally.At birth, Kirthin was found with a Sigil. This is the mark that any being with magic in their veins running up their arm. It showed others that he was magi. Every magi’s Sigil is different.
Kirthin’s is a long, snakelike dragon, with the head, open mouthed in an enormous roar, spread across his palm and the body twisting magnificently around his arm and ending in a long spiked tail at his shoulder. The whole image was rough looking and jagged, and resembled a huge scar, or and intricate tattoo.
As if I’ll get any sleep tonight, thought Kirthin. I’m too excited.
He was a tad bit worried, as well, as anyone is when they get excited about something.
He worried that he hadn’t spent enough time reading over the scrolls of magic from the village library. He worried that he might never get the hang of magic. He also worried about his teacher. It was the talk of the village, that, apparently Tenkit, the headmaster of the school of magi in Mahamiko, had seen great potential in Kirthin, and was taking him under his wing as his personal student.
He walked back to the village as he worried about these things. He was about to enter is home when a friendly voice broke him from his worries.
“Kirthin! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I have great news!”
It was Searle, Kirthin’s closest friend ever since they both were very small. Kirthin smiled at Searle’s enthusiasm despite himself.
“Evening stranger! Have we met?” Kirthin said, bowing comically.
“Don’t try my patience boy! I have something extremely important I have to tell you!” Searle said in mock imitation of Tenkit’s strict attitude.
“I insist, good sir, I don’t think I know you. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?” Kirthin enjoyed tormenting Searle. He could see Searle’s anxiety in his pale blue eyes. This was pure torture to him.
“Kirthin! Seriously, now! Stop joking around!” But Kirthin wasn’t done yet.
“No tea, then? Well, it's quite late, I think I’ll hit the hay, if you know what I mean...” Kirthin pretended to turn away into his house.
“Argh!!” Searle launched himself at Kirthin and put him in a headlock.
Searle was always stronger than Kirthin was. He knew Kirthin hated his long, raven black hair rumpled and proceeded to do so.
“Ok, ok! Stop! I give in! My memory has suddenly returned to me!” Kirthin pleaded. Searle released him.
“Alright, here’s what I need to tell you: I’ve just been accepted into the Academy!”
Searle said excitedly, waiting impatiently for Kirthin’s response.
The Academy were like the “special forces” of Mahamiko.
They were the elite, the top quality soldiers. They called themselves the Red Dawn.
Kirthin realized something that made his heart sink.
“Yes. I... understand, that... we may not see each other again, after tomorrow,” Searle said slowly. They stood for what seemed a long time, a sad, silent conversation going on between their eyes. They embraced for the last time in a long while, said their farewells, and went their separate ways. It was like losing a brother to Kirthin, but it was better this than hear his friend had been slain in battle.
Farewell, Searle, my brother. Even if I never see you again, you will be remembered.
But now, we must both look to the horizon. Tomorrow is a new day.
Hi! I thought this was a good beginning with some very beautiful descriptions and a nice introduction of the characters 
I'm a bit picky but ignore me if you like 
Kirthin sighed., and lay back on the soft grass.
Every male in Mahamiko went through the combat training
Every male in Mahamiko went through the combat training at the age of seventeen, for the Mahamikans believed that is when a boy became a man, and a man has to know how to defend himself and his loved ones.
This is the mark that any being with magic in their veins running up their arm. It showed others that he was magi.
The whole image was rough looking and jagged, and resembled a huge scar, or and intricate tattoo.
He was a tad bit worried, as well, as anyone is when they get excited about something.
He was about to enter is home when a friendly voice broke him from his worries.
Well, its quite late,
Searle launched himself at Kirthin and put him in a headlock.
The Academy was like the “special forces” of Mahamiko.
Kirthin realized something that made his heart sink. “But, you do realize what this means, right?”
I did notice though as well that there are some misplaced or missing commas in this piece. I my self am not very good at commas but here is a link in the knowledge base that has some helpful hints on when and when not to use them viewarticlebody.php?t=19162
blackpencil wrote:The sky caught fire as the sun sank into the trees.
That’s all there ever is around here, trees. They are all so tall and quiet, Kirthin thought. From the giant oak to the majestic yew... They are so reassuring...
As he thought about this the sun dipped lower, dyeing the wispy and wooly clouds a brilliant shade of magenta. Soon the moon would rule the sky with her star sisters and another long day would come to an end. Kirthin sighed., and lay back on the soft grass.
He was to start training tomorrow. Every male in Mahamiko went through the combat training at the age of seventeen, for the Mahamikans believed that is when a boy became a man, and a man has to know how to defend himself and his loved ones. But Kirthin wasn’t going through the ordinary training. Kirthin was no ordinary boy.
At birth, Kirthin was found with a Sigil. This is the mark that any being with magic in their veins running up their arm. It showed others that he was magi. Every magi’s Sigil is different. Kirthin’s is a long, snakelike dragon, with the head, open mouthed in an enormous roar, spread across his palm and the body twisting magnificently around his arm and ending in a long spiked tail at his shoulder. The whole image was rough looking and jagged, and resembled a huge scar, or and intricate tattoo.
The sun was gone now. The moon began to peek out from the crowns of the trees, and the first few stars twinkled like diamonds on the gray canvas of dusk. It was time to go. Kirthin needed to get a good night’s sleep before the big day tomorrow.
As if I’ll get any sleep tonight, thought Kirthin. I’m too excited.
He was a tad bit worried, as well, as anyone is when they get excited about something. He worried that he hadn’t spent enough time reading over the scrolls of magic from the village library. He worried that he might never get the hang of magic. He also worried about his teacher. It was the talk of the village, that, apparently Tenkit, the headmaster of the school of magi in Mahamiko, had seen great potential in Kirthin, and was taking him under his wing as his personal student.
He walked back to the village as he worried about these things. He was about to enter is home when a friendly voice broke him from his worries.
“Kirthin! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! I have great news!”
It was Searle, Kirthin’s closest friend ever since they both were very small. Kirthin smiled at Searle’s enthusiasm despite himself.
“Evening stranger! Have we met?” Kirthin said, bowing comically.
“Don’t try my patience boy! I have something extremely important I have to tell you!” Searle said in mock imitation of Tenkit’s strict attitude.
“I insist, good sir, I don’t think I know you. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?” Kirthin enjoyed tormenting Searle. He could see Searle’s anxiety in his pale blue eyes. This was pure torture to him.
“Kirthin! Seriously, now! Stop joking around!” But Kirthin wasn’t done yet.
“No tea, then? Well, its quite late, I think I’ll hit the hay, if you know what I mean...” Kirthin pretended to turn away into his house.
“Argh!!” Searle launched himself at Kirthin and put him in a headlock. Searle was always stronger than Kirthin was. He knew Kirthin hated his long, raven black hair rumpled and proceeded to do so.
“Ok, ok! Stop! I give in! My memory has suddenly returned to me!” Kirthin pleaded. Searle released him.
“Alright, here’s what I need to tell you: I’ve just been accepted into the Academy!” Searle said excitedly, waiting impatiently for Kirthin’s response. The Academy was like the “special forces” of Mahamiko. They were the elite, the top quality soldiers. They called themselves the Red Dawn.
“Great, Searle! That’s amazing!” the two friends embraced for a moment. Kirthin realized something that made his heart sink. “But, you do realize what this means, right?”
“Yes. I... understand, that... we may not see each other again, after tomorrow,” Searle said slowly. They stood for what seemed a long time, a sad, silent conversation going on between their eyes. They embraced for the last time in a long while, said their farewells, and went their separate ways. It was like losing a brother to Kirthin, but it was better this than hear his friend had been slain in battle.
Farewell, Searle, my brother. Even if I never see you again, you will be remembered.
But now, we must both look to the horizon. Tomorrow is a new day.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hope you like it! Chapter II: New Horizons coming soon!
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