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by blackbird12

Published October 31, 2010

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Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review Review · Nov 1, 2010

Great poem, I loved it. I will say the capitalization is absolutely not a problem, as it was clearly done stylistically...and look at E.E. Cummings: He didn't use hardly any capitalization or punctuation at all, and look how famous the man is!

I only have two quick nitpicks:

I can count the stitches
crawling on the doll like ants, [should be "doll-like," with a hyphen, especially since the first stanza had a hyphenated word somewhere]


[/quote]button eyes gleaming
like your bruises,
it curls in my fingers, [what is it? The ragd oll as a whole? This is just a tad confusing because you were just talking about button eyes and now you go back to "it," which is presumably the rag doll, but it sounds a bit awkward]
neck tilting to the side [/quote]

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Iamnotperfect
Comment
Iamnotperfect commented Comment · Nov 1, 2010

Hi the poem is very well written and I like the way it flows, don't really have anything negative to say ... keep up the good work =)

Warrior Princess wrote a review Review · Oct 31, 2010

I really like this. I like the emotion and the images depicted; it was sad, sweet, and a bit creepy at the same time. And do I detect a bit of sensuality too? ;) I'm not entirely sure what all is up with your capitalization, but that's a minor flaw. Great job. :)



This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot