the end
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Argh! Another poem that was deleted before I got to it.
I may not read anything ever again....
Teh Wozzinator
This was all tell and no show, and loses all structure halfway through - the last five lines seem more like prose than an actual poem. Find an original way to convey this story, using metaphors, similes, imagery...anything to make it your own. Good luck.
In all honesty, the only line I really liked was "Your loyalty was no longer to me." The rest seemed really cliche. However, I do not feel that this is a topic that should be completely disregarded. Adding aspects such as imagery, metaphors, and establishing a consistent tone will bring much improvement to the piece.