Friends

friends they can be loving, careing,and nicebut the other times they can back stab you talk about you behind your backbut yet you can't forget what they have done you still forgive

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Torpid
Comment

JOSH!!! put sum effort inta this mahan! its got potentil

User avatar
xanthan gum
Review

right. read a lot or apply some spell and grammer checks. for example:

friends they can be loving, caring, and nice
but the other times they can backstab you
talk about you behind your back
but yet you can't forget what they have done
you still forgive



still, after this, it isn't all that encapturing. try to apply some poetic language, rhythm, metaphors, similies - anything!

User avatar
Jojo
Review
Jojo wrote a review · Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:46 am

Wow! What's your friend done to you that you sound so aggrieved. I guess you were so aggrieved that you forgot something existed in this world that starts with a 'p' and ends with a 'n' and has got 11 letters.
Yeeeees, it's punctuation. Great going. Now, if you'd please insert those vital things in their positions and making it readable I'll consider reading it.

User avatar
AstrangedbeaR
Comment

i hope this is rough.

no commas or fullstops so i was out of breath while reading it, spelling mistakes and no paragraphing.

but, i am guessing this was extremley rushed...



They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
— Kurt Cobain