that was freaking awesome!
although, it made me want to cry, which is a good thing, I guess 
bear in mind, i wrote this in 10 mins. so its not very good. haha
All I want is to hold his hand,
Feel his presence,
Touch his face;
Never before have I wanted anything deeper,
but to feel the love from his radiant grace.
I know it cannot be, and that is the reason
why I struggle in my sleep,
After all, his love is no longer in reach
For his life does not run deep.
His heart and soul all tied in a knot,
Where that car flew by that day,
Never before have I screamed so loud,
As I stared at where he lay.
The rain came down and so did hate
Upon the grey filled town,
I clasped my hair, my face, my heart
And whispered with a frown:
“I love you greatly, I love you so,
Do not die this night!
I need your presence, your face and hand,
Let heaven not be your flight.”
He did not respond, but in my head
His words fluttered by,
For what he said was full of love
I repeated it with a cry:
“Meet me there and I’ll hold your hand,
under the starlit sky;
Touch my face and hold me close,
Our love will surely fly.”
that was freaking awesome!
although, it made me want to cry, which is a good thing, I guess
It was a very good poem. I really enjoyed it and it made me feel what true love should be like. If you wrote this in 10 mins and its that good I wonder how good you poems are when you take a second to think about it. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. I have no really good critiques, but when it said
"That's why I struggle in my sleep" (or something along those lines) I don't know if you really need why or not so its just your opinion.
Dedicated reader,
Ashton
hey bexarama. How you doin my lover? I have a random suggestion that isn't necessarily connected with this piece. Have you ever written any non-rhyming poetry? It's called prose poetry isn't it, i think? Not sure. Well, have you? Cause i think you should try.
Thanks for saying you'll be part of our public speaking biz, it will be like <--------------this-------------> much more fun!! WOoooOOp woop de doop.
Anyway, see you tomorrow friend, and have a think about some possible topics.
love and peace. xx ^^
I really like this, it is unlike all of your other pieces.The rhyming comes easily and the rhythm is good. I can feel the emotion inside it.
The variation in length between the first stanza and the others makes it stand out, which personally I think is a good thing.
One thing I would say is that the whole idea is a bit cliched though that cannot be helped, as there are not many ideas which aren't.
In general a really enjoyed it.
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