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Life vs. Religion

by birdsfly97


In recent years, experts such as Paul Erlich have claimed an extreme population growth all around the world, and The Philippines is no exception. In this East Asian country, 25 % of the population lives below the poverty line and the fast-paced population growth greatly affects these underprivileged citizens .

The Reproductive Health Bill was created in the House of Representatives, under supervision of President Aquino. This bill will legalize contraception, provide family planning and educate citizens concerning the subject. Unfortunately, the Catholic Church has claimed contraception to be the equivalent of abortion, thus creating a great debate throughout the country.

The country of The Philippines is 90% devout Roman Catholic which has allowed campaign slogans such as “Say yes to life, and no to RH bill” and “Obey the will of god, no to RH bill” to influence many citizens . However, does it seem justifiable that ‘god’ would desire for a country to contain more than 23 million people living below the poverty line ? To allow innocent souls to lie restless with hunger night after night? No, god could never wish for a child to be born into a family where they are kicked to the streets and deprived of their necessities. So why, then, does the church claim him to? Contraception will allow families to give quality rather than spread thinly the wealth they have among numerous children. The Reproductive Health bill would also allow for the Philippine’s poverty rate to reduce over-time due to the lowered population growth rate.

In addition to this, the church’s campaigns contain many flaws. For example, contraception simply prevents the risk of pregnancy during sexual intercourse. However, the church has claimed it to be the equivalent of abortion, the termination of a fetus, which goes against the ethics of the church and the laws of the Filipino government. This error could be a key point that would change the vote of many people.

A key benefit of the bill is the affect it will create for the women of the Philippines. Due to the lack of contraception and abortions, the majority of Filipino women were deprived of a higher education and access to productive occupations. However, given access to this, women would be able to provide for themselves and their families, in turn reducing the poverty rate in the Philippines.

Another beneficiary for women would be the improved maternal and infant health aspects. The hospitals that the majority of mothers give birth in are crowded, un-sanitary, and chaotic. As stated by Arlene Matanguihan “At the Dr. Jose Fabella Memorial hospital 300 proud mothers lay three to a bed, cradling their newborns. With up to 100 babies born every 24 hours here, this is one of the busiest maternity wards in the world.” With hospitals such as this one, mistakes are easily made and can drastically affect the health of a mother and child. Essentially, the bill would reduce maternal and infant mortality.

Along with numerous other benefits, the Reproductive Health Bill would curb the poverty and population growth rates. It is essential to the health of this country and its people that this bill is passed. It would bring me great sorrow to think that lies and ignorance from the church would allow for our country to be deprived from what would bring us back on our feet. Vote yes for the RH bill.


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Sun Dec 30, 2012 8:19 pm
ChildOfNowhere wrote a review...



Hello :)

Now, this title of yours caught my attention, and I'm actually glad I read it. To put aside my personal standings, but in my country currently lasts a fight about educating kids about sexuality and differences and stuff, so the Church here draws similar moves like in the Philippines ^^
I think most of their strength lays in fear most of religious people feel when the Church states they'll go to Hell or similar if they don't do as they say.. Which lasts for centuries, and it's hard to understand for the non-religious people, but when one is exposed to those kinds of teaching since very early age, it's hard to change mind even with all the good arguments on the other side.

Anyway, you did a very good job here, in trying to convince your readers - as I see from other reviews, there are people who hadn't heard of the topic before, and now support it.. Which is a good thing, right? :) You wrote the whole thing in a well-organized, easy to follow way, with just the information you needed to get to your goal of convincing people. Well done ^^

Kind regards,
Aria




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Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:03 am
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hi there! So I thought this was interesting. I don't see a lot of non-fiction pieces on this website, especially not ones that grab me as this did, so bravo for that!

The only complaint I have was that this seemed a bit clunky. Since this a persuasive article, following a concise outline is always good for getting people to see your viewpoint, even if in the end it doesn't get them to change how they feel. It doesn't have to be anything you specifically write down, but you should at least have some idea of what you're going say and how you're going to say it.

First, introduce what the bill stands for. You do this, but you don't really elaborate on why it's a good thing and how it will fix the problem at hand. After that, you're in a good place to start talking about your refutes. When do you this, you should try to be as objective as possible. Tear down the opposing side's argument without making them feel stupid for believing that, and you're more likely to have people attentive, even if they don't agree with you.

I also had a few comments about your last paragraph. In the beginning you mention "numerous other benefits". Explain to us what these numerous other benefits are instead of just being vague. When you mention that this bill is the country's last hope, explain why that is so. Why won't other methods work? Be clear! I also wouldn't say "vote yes for the RH bill" unless you're specifically sending this to the Filipino house of representatives. I'm willing to bet that most people that read these aren't Filipino representatives, so we can't vote on the bill - we can only have our opinions swayed!

Lastly, keep writing! You are talented. As you're new to YWS - welcome. Hope to see you stick around and produce more work in the future. :)



Random avatar
birdsfly97 says...


Hi, first off thank you for taking the time to write out such a concise review haha, it's very much appreciated.
Yes, I agree that the structure is somewhat lacking, and thus less effective - will definitely work on this in the future.
As for introducing the bill, this piece was actually written to pair with a research project that I made for class which went into extensive detail on the pros and cons of the issue. However, I should have definitely added more about this in my piece before submitting without the context. As for taking about my refutes, I really appreciate your advice and will definitely add this in the future to strengthen my pieces.
Also, I completely agree that some of the sentences should be altered to suit different audiences - so thank you for that advice.

- Erin :)

P.S thank you for the welcome :)



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Sun Dec 30, 2012 2:54 am
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StoryWeaver13 wrote a review...



I like this...it's a really interesting topic that I'd never heard of, and definitely one I'd support.

I think that this was well-organized and packed a lot of information into just a little space. There were times when sentence structure could have been smoother, but overall I thought this was extremely interesting. I can't even fathom still fighting for the right to birth control.

Keep writing, and best wishes. xx



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birdsfly97 says...


Thank you! I appreciate your advice and interest in the topic. I actually live in the Philippines, and this has been a pretty big issue in the news that past couple years. Fortunately, the bill got passed a couple weeks ago.

Anyway, thanks again and happy holidays!



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Sun Dec 30, 2012 2:49 am
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Laminated wrote a review...



Your essay has good flow. You have a clear, narrowed thesis and good background information. I would include references if you plan on publishing the piece, though. Your description of the benefits is clear and compelling. However, your third paragraph contains too many rhetorical questions. For the sake of continuing a professional front, I would make statements rather than questions, particularly those that challenge the beliefs of the Philippine people. Particularly in a country that is 90% Roman Catholic, I would advise that you either place this paragraph at the end of your essay after the benefits have been stated, remove the questions- they add little and seem weak, or omit any unnecessary background information.

Other than that, well done! Thank you for sharing :)



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birdsfly97 says...


Hello, thank you for reviewing!
I do actually have a works cited page, that I can/will use if this is ever published. Also, I completely agree that I should be more cautious so that I don't insult anyone.
Thank you again for the advice, and happy holidays!



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Sun Dec 30, 2012 12:04 am
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iEuphoria wrote a review...



Hey, birdsfly97! Euph here to review your piece. c: Let me start off by saying welcome to Young Writers Society!
Okay..
Pros: Interesting, and very factual. I feel as though I learned a lot, and your thesis statements were clear to what would be described throughout that paragraph. You did a great job at staying on topic.
Cons: It sounds like there was a lot of copy and paste done in the research. One way you could fix this structure is by adding a bit more wit into your facts, or adjusting your sentence structure, and elaborating on your vocabulary.
I hope that this was useful c: Overall, your article was very intriguing and informative. Keep up the good work, kiddo and enjoy your stay here on Young Writers Society! I hope to hear from you more often. If you have any questions, feel free to message me.
~Euph



Random avatar
birdsfly97 says...


Hello Euph :)
Firstly, thank you for taking the time to review my piece, it is much appreciated! Thank you for all of your advice, it was extremely useful and I will definitely use it when editing my piece. Also, thank you for the welcome!!
Happy holidays!!

- Erin




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