Hey Birds!
I find it hard to believe this poem has gone without another review for this long! You don't see tons of historical fiction on here, and definitely that many historical fiction poems. That in itself is pretty sweet, I think.
Bare with me, my poem reviewing experience isn't the greatest, but I'm going to do my best for you.
I agree with murtuza. The rhyme scheme is a bit off, but I'm not going to focus on that.
Soldiers gasp in pity
Soldiers are hardened individuals. 'Gasping in pity' doesn't really seem to be something a soldier would do. Civilians or... a two syllable word for civilians that I can't think of right now... can easily be seen gasping in pity.
Really, that's the one nitpick I've got for you.
This really isn't the best review. Could I, perhaps, challenge you to give us more hints as to what this poem means? I'm trying to think of a battle that this poem emulates. The Battle of Britain, perhaps?
The other thing I would appreciate, and I understand this is probably a bit hard, but who is the voice here? I feel like that's very important in any literature. Is it a civilian, a soldier, a child? Knowing who the voice is changes the impact. If it's a civilian, there is a sense of injustice because they didn't sign up for death. And there's a different feeling for each kind of character. Who exactly is this I?
As it is, what wonderful imagery you have. I find it breath taking, truly, and very, very sad.
Any questions, just PM me or hit up my wall.
If you ever need another review, I have a WRFF thread.
Megsug
Points: 12208
Reviews: 463
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