"see?", I asked quietly,"Under the blossoming tree?"
She shook her head."I don't see very well."
"Come closer,"
I said, taking her gentle hand.
"Look, there is a beautiful bird on the soiled land,"
I whispered as her eyes opened wide.
"Really?" she said,
her hands trembling slightly.
"Yes, and one day,
it will fly away."
Her eyes closed.
"Thats nice, I wish I could fly away,"
she said with hope,
clutching at her weelchair.
I smiled gently and squeezed her small shoulders.
"You will soon follow the bird...but only when You'll see it will you be able to go... after."
With my other hand I patted her hair.
"You'll fly free in the air."
Her eyes opened slowly,
then she looked at me.
"I'm alright,here with you, in the morning light."
I gripped her shoulders harder as we turned our gazes to the bird.
"I'm happy with you too, in this hard time in life,"
We stayed silent and looked...
Our souls departing, hooked,
To this happy sun which brung us such warm light.
I looked down in her eyes unconsciously.
For me, she probably didn't know, but those little glitters of hope in her beautiful eyes were my warm bright lights in this life.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
it is a great poem/short story.
Lol, I just put stories and poems mixed togehter most of the time (I like it, it makes it more fun^^) that's why it seems like a short story, but in fact it is a story(kinda) I just wanted to let it flow a little
For starters, My Shining Light. I don't think a word such as Shinning exists.
Capitalize 1. In 2 I don't undertstand, did the first person say 'Under the blossoming tree?' or did the second person? If it is the first than it should be:
"See?" I asked quietly,
"Under the blossoming tree?"
She shook her head.
3 should be:
"Come closer,"
I said, taking her [bold]gentle[/bold] hand.
4 should be: "Look, there is a beautiful bird on the soiled land,"
I whispered as
her eyes opened wide (her eyes didn't upon wide before, so it is wide not wider).
5 should be: [i] "Really?" she said,
her hands trembling slightly.
"Yes, and one day,
it will fly away."
Her eyes closed.
I'm sorry, I don't have the time to go over everything else, but in short:
-Go over your work and check your spelling.
-Things that should be capitalized, make sure to CAPITALIZE them. Things that shouldn't be capitalized, DO NOT CAPITALIZE them.
-In a sentence or after speech, use a comma appropriately.
-Remember to insert full stops.
-Remember to insert apostrophes where needed.
-Don't use this '...', in many places where you used it a comma or full stop would have been better.
If you follow these guidelines, you'll find that your work will be grammatically sound.
The poem itself is nice, although I think it would have worked just as well as a short story. Well done, and KEEP WRITING!
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