Black sheep

by bibi

Through a street with silver lights, I walk,
Down this path, I walk.
People are staring,
With weird gazes, searching.
Looking, they seek normal norms.
Different they see I am,
And afraid they are of a black lamb.
My thoughts may diverse,
But I am not afflicted by a curse.
My soul is old, and once was even cold.
As I walk pass these stares of ice,
I'm walking alone by my own demise.
I've moved on,
And so should you...

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Pretty Crazy
Review

Hello bibi, I'm going to attempt and review this for you. :)

bibi wrote:Through a street with silver lights, I #FF0000 ">walk,
Down this path, I #FF0000 ">walk. #0000BF ">You use walk twice, it's a bit repetitive.
People are staring,
With weird gazes, searching.
Looking, they seek normal norms.
Different they see I am,
And #FF0000 ">affraid #0000BF ">This is spelt "afraid".they are of a black lamb.
#FF0000 ">My thoughts may diverse, #0000BF ">It might sound better if you put "be" in there. #FF0000 ">My thoughts may be diverse
But I am not afflicted by a curse.
My soul is old, and once was even cold.
As I walk pass these stares of ice,
I'm walking alone by my own demise.
I've moved on,
And so should you...


That's it for that. Those are just suggestions, by the way, you don't have to do that. Poetry should be freeing, not "spell this, rewrite that, blah blah blah."
Good job on this! It's very beautiful.

~Crazy

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bibi Comment

ty :3

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cfakc
Comment

I really like it. It is an awesome way to explain how you feel about life. Or just a good poem, if that's all it is. Well, I think it's cool that you could be straightfoward by using imagery.

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bibi Comment

lol I figure I should post it since I already have it under my profile^^ (did you know my mom actually cried reading that? XD)



Sometimes wisdom came from strange places, even from giant teenaged goldfish.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena