Young Writers Society

beyond.the.horizon -


This is junk. The readers here aren't interested in spending time trying to improve stuff that can't be salvaged.

It's simply a rant that belongs in your personal notebook.

As you'll notice, most (serious/good) work here is free verse with a few exceptions and the themes are fairly complex compared to this. I don't think you'll get any positive feedback with this quality work, probably just a lot of grief.

Feel free to linger and read the poets posting here. The feedback posted to the threads can act as a pretty good primer for the types of things you should probably be thinking about as you continue to write.


Hope this finds you well,
Brad

Okay I was a bit surprised by this. I was esspecially surprised about how you started you kept the word fuck going through the whole thing. Strangely I liked it though. Your lines were really well strategized. I loved the different combonations you put in here.

Keep it up!
-Rieda

Lines it could definitely do without:

my life it sucked.

No worries,
I'll laugh it off.
it's cool, it's cool:
but no I've had enough!

with him i am
quixotic,
neurotic,
lethargic,
euphoric.

Singing Valhalla lullabies.
Broken winters sterilize

Yes, you're right. I'm tend to be too vague and scattered. And sorry about the rating. The rules said that it should be PG-13 for language, but your right: it should be R. Again, sorry about that.

I'll edit it and whatnot later when I have time. Thank you for your critique. I appreciate it.

What was the point?

In some points it was...interesting. I liked some of the technique, like here:

with him i am
quixotic,
neurotic,
lethargic,
euphoric.

but he laughed and scoffed.
i threw up and coughed
and my kaleidoscopes dulled to black
and i don't think we'll ever go back
to those yesterdays;
those passionate ways.
was it really just a phase?
maybe i was just in a daze.