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1,429.4 Miles

by bernardo23


Where you begin does not define who you are or who you will be. What defines you is where you plan to go. Growing up in the ghetto from a young age was what molded me to being the person who would soon become, a nobody. I often saw myself falling lower down the ladder, school wasn't on my mind, as a matter of fact school wasn't in my agenda, I would skip and smoke bud with friends.

Then when I thought I wouldn't sink any further I started stealing. I knew it was wrong, but when you live in the suburbs in which taking the life of another is an everyday sight then stealing is something which is totally permissible. I would stay out in the dark, cold streets way past 12 a.m. waiting for vulnerable people to come within our crossfire and that's when the person would end up knocked out in a ally missing his wallet, watch, phone or anything of value. It all started when a friend of mine was taken away from me at a young age. Doing these sort of things made it feel as if were closer to my dear friend. 

One day I was told I was going to move, I thought the change was to be to a different street but never would I have guessed it would have been a change if 1,429.4 miles. I grew up in these streets, so moving to another was quite a shocker to me. I often told myself I would hate it, that I wasn't going to change regardless of where I stood. Like sand falling into an hourglass I felt the adaption was to take forever and which it did. I recall taking my first steps into this new home of mine, it was a rather big house, in a nice quiet, neighborhood.

My first day of school was ... different, it wasn't at all like what all my previous schools were like. People were polite, they had respect for one another, nobody had to act a certain way to be respected. As the days passed I started realizing that maybe changing was something to consider. But the memories from the past struck my head harder then the bullet that took my dear friend's life.

One night I couldn't take it anymore, I blazed my way out of the door and started running, I ran and ran and ran, I felt my legs burn, I felt my head steam, I ran away from it all. When I finally stopped to rest is when I realized that running was in my blood, because when I run it is when I am finally at ease. I forgot about everything, so I made it an everyday habit to release all the anger and pain from within. By doing so I started to calm down more, becoming more serene, I also started to pay more attention in school which till this day I attend every single day with 100% of my attention. 

I am now employed, I've seen the change in me and so have others. I am a new person, I run at competitions, I have grades I've only dreamed about and I work. Although I do miss my old city, these 1,429.4 Miles have been the best thing that's happened to me, and through it all, now is when I feel closest to my dear friend.


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Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:26 am
ParanormalMyth wrote a review...



Hey, Bernardo23!
(Interesting, 23 has always been my unlucky number... XD)

Ok, this is just... Wow. I'm going to warn you now, I connect to this personally and may end up dumping a lot about me in this other than reviewing. I will try and stay focused though, :)

#000000 "> The Review!


#004000 ">Plot

Spoiler! :
#004000 "> This story is just amazing. It is beautifully written, and has a well though out story-line, and isn't just a tangle of paragraphs. I'm not sure if this is a true story or not, so apologies on that (I'm going to guess that it a is fiction, so the rest of my review will be written as such) I love the idea of the person moving, and the move changing who they are. A close friend dying is also a interesting aspect. There is just so many creative and awesome ideas perfectly intertwined together. :)



#800080 ">Other

Spoiler! :
#800080 "> Okay, so I'll just talk about how I connected to this a little bit. I've moved quite a few times in my life so far, and have had one move truly change me for the better before. My dad passed away a couple or so years ago, and I know the struggle that comes with losing someone. I've struggled a lot, and went through really rough patches. But I found a vent through writing, and music, instead of venting through bad things such as self-harm. Then that big move happened, and everything changed. I met some good friends again, and wasn't treated like such an outcast. Unfortunately I have moved away from there, but it has left a major impact on me. So I connect to this story so much. Okay, I talked about myself way more than I wanted too. I'm so sorry!


#000080 ">Typos/Grammar/Odd Sentences

Spoiler! :
#000080 ">
been a change if 1,429.4 miles.

Small typo, it should be "of" :)


Overall, this story is just so... Powerful. I'm sorry about my personal info dump, and I hope that this review (if it can be called that) helped in some way. I look forward to reading more of your work!

~Myth :D




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Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:08 am
areproc wrote a review...



This is a really really good story. It makes you think about the struggles people go through, and how we all have the one thing that can help us to forget about all of the troubles for a while and visit and world where everything is perfect and happy. It's inspirational in a sad yet good and thought provoking kind of way. It made me really think about the things we all go through, and what we do to overcome them. I am very glad that you found your stress relief and your doing way better than you were before. It's good that you are writing about it because it lets you be heard, and believe me; I definitely heard you.

I noticed that some of your sentences are a little long. You should try shortening them to make them easier to read.

You had only a few typos. When you edit it you should try going back through to look at them and correct it just real quick.

Other than that, this is really good. Keep writing and running like you do. ;)




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Sun Sep 13, 2015 5:47 pm
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Davidcorrea49 says...



I sure can relate to this post. Maybe in a different light but some similarities of course. And I'm glad that you have found An amazing alternative to your problems. Some people cut some people smoke, drink, steal etc. but I'm glad you have decided to run, no only does it clear you of stress but it's the best form of exercise. I on the other hand practice karate to keep my mind stress free, and we of course with prancing karate comes exercising. And remember son, we all are fighting for success. And sometimes being somewhere else is for the best.




bernardo23 says...


Thanks brother, thank you for everything you've done for me. I'm the man I am today because of you and other things. You are truly a magnificent person.


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It's no problem bro :) you'll always gave me here for help and guidance in whatever you need.



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Sun Sep 13, 2015 5:45 pm
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Davidcorrea49 wrote a review...



I sure can relate to this post. Maybe in a different light but some similarities of course. And I'm glad that you have found An amazing alternative to your problems. Some people cut some people smoke, drink, steal etc. but I'm glad you have decided to run, no only does it clear you of stress but it's the best form of exercise. I on the other hand practice karate to keep my mind stress free, and we of course with prancing karate comes exercising. And remember son, we all are fighting for success. And sometimes being somewhere else is for the best.




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Sun Sep 13, 2015 4:48 pm
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Steggy wrote a review...



Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a review!

This is a lovely read. It has a strong meaning behind it, as you said in the summary of it and I did enjoy reading this. Just one thing, try spacing the whole paragraph since it is just one chunk of sentences and sometimes readers don't like to have a big chunk of sentences to read also as Steam said, it seems daunty to read something so big and chunk. So try to make paragraphs with this- I also liked the beginning; a very stable beginning and throughout this it seems a promising story.

Also I found reading- or as reading this- it seemed to drift the reader away from the main point of what you are trying to write. Also throughout this piece I see some run-off sentences that don't have a verb following noun- if that makes sense.

One day I was told I was going to move, I thought the change was to be to a different street but never would I have guessed it would have been a change if 1,429.4 MILES. I grew up in these streets, so moving to another was quite a shocker to me.

This little chunk seems to stick out to me- as what I said above. There is a run-off or rather a comma splice in this chunk (or where a paragraph should be). Also a suggestion, MILES doesn't need to capitalized ;)

Overall, this was a lovely piece (with some things that need to be changed) and hopefully I get to read more of what you write, as you are new to YWS! Welcome to YWS

If there is anything you want me to explain more clearly, let me know!

Steggy




bernardo23 says...


Thank you for the tips and corrections, I'll make sure as to considering them in upcoming publications, as again, thanks!



bernardo23 says...


once*



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TheDreamWriter wrote a review...



Wow. This story is amazing. If this is true than you should message me because depending on what path you take in this new life I can help. I think the first couple lines of this story are just so so so right. I have seen that happen so much. The story is an amazing story and I encourage you to write more. I love how you wrote a story on this topic because thier are a lot of people who need to read this. I think not just people who live in the ghetto but a lot more. This story shows people that just because you grew up a certain way and live a certain life you should choose what your own story is and not let anyone else choose it. Does that make sense? Anyways like I said amazing story and keep up the great writing.




bernardo23 says...


Thank you very much for the great amount of support shown, I truly appreciate it!





No problem.



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Sun Sep 13, 2015 4:37 pm
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steampowered wrote a review...



Hello, steampowered here to review your work! Also, can I just say welcome, and congratulations on uploading your first work to YWS. :D

I really enjoyed reading this – it was one of those stories that carries a strong message as well as the idea that it’s possible to change. While I feel like your writing style is good, I noticed a few little things I’d like to point out.

The first thing that struck me was your lack of paragraphs. The fact that the reader is immediately confronted with a big block of text makes it not only daunting, but difficult to read. I kept losing my place because the text wasn’t split up enough. Fortunately this is an easy thing to fix and if you do so it will hopefully mean you get plenty more reviews. In case you’re not sure where to put the paragraph breaks, I’ll format a bit of it as an example:

Where you begin does not define who you are or who you will be. What defines you is where you plan to go.

Growing up in the ghetto from a young age was what molded me to being the person who would soon become, a nobody. I often saw myself falling lower down the ladder, school wasn't on my mind, as a matter of fact school wasn't in my agenda, I would skip and smoke bud with friends. Then when I thought I wouldn't sink any further I started stealing.

I knew it was wrong, but when you live in the suburbs in which taking the life of another is an everyday sight then stealing is something which is totally permissible. I would stay out in the dark, cold streets way past 12 a.m. waiting for vulnerable people to come within our crossfire and that's when the person would end up knocked out in a ally missing his wallet, watch, phone or anything of value.

It all started when a friend of mine was taken away from me at a young age.


Obviously, there’s no real rule about paragraph formatting so you can split the text up any way you like, but I felt like this made it a bit more dramatic. Your opening is really good, and it would be a shame for its impact to be lost in amongst the rest of the text.

Now, I’m not sure exactly what the purpose of this piece is – whether it’s supposed to be moralistic, or whether it’s purely for the reader’s entertainment. Either way, I feel like it succeeds.

The other big thing I noticed was your comma splices. For example:

I recall taking my first steps into this new home of mine, it was a rather big house


I’m not very good at explaining, but here is a really helpful article which may be of use to you.

I think I’ve probably picked up on the biggest issues I found with this. Other than that, it was really good and I would be interested to read your future work. Feel free to PM me or post a comment on my wall if you upload more to the site, and I’ll review it for you. :D




bernardo23 says...


Thank you for the advice, as well for the support!




There has never been a sadness not cured by breakfast food.
— Ron, Parks & Rec